Love Advice: For a man to love me! – Very useful article.
So that a man loves me! – A very useful article. I am sometimes asked: “Is it difficult for you, probably, to find a man for a long-term relationship? You have a high bar, criteria…”. In fact, there is only one criterion..
Of course, I have an idea of who could become a close person to me, with whom I would feel comfortable. And the requirements… In fact, there is only one criterion – THAT A MAN LOVES ME. I understand love in the sense in which Fromm described it: care, responsibility, respect, understanding. For a man to love me:
Care…
Will he pick you up in front of a restaurant, open the door in your car, pay in a cafe, hand you your coat, ask about your health, offer help after learning about your trouble, visit you if you are sick… These are the details of behavior that describe how a man understands care, whether this is a normal state for him, whether he is capable of thinking about another person.
In some cases, it may be a question of upbringing – for example, a boy was not taught to open the door for a woman. So the feeling of care is not formed by one fact. But a woman always knows whether she is treated with care or as a consumer.
Responsibility…
This is a very important quality for a man. It is also important for a woman, and for a man it is simply fundamental. To be responsible for those you have tamed. The ability to be responsible for your words and actions is a mandatory characteristic of a psychologically mature person. Naturally following the chain “thought – said – did – answered” is an indicator of the integrity and maturity of the individual. This is a guarantee of reliability and confidence in a person.
Respect…
It is good when a man feels his personal boundaries and protects his personal space, but it is no less important for love that he respects a woman’s personal space. And this is also almost immediately clear from how a man treats a woman’s achievements, talents, abilities, how highly he values her potential, the usefulness and necessity of her work.
A separate topic is how a man treats a woman’s development, because love is a mutual movement and development. Respect for other women is also very important (mother, former lovers, colleagues at work, etc.) – this is about the absence or healing of psychological trauma, which guarantees a wise attitude to female manifestations and to the dissimilarity of the feminine principle to the masculine.
It is worth mentioning that love requires not only awareness of one’s own and others’ boundaries, but also a desire for intimacy . It is natural for a person to want love, this is a basic need. If a person declares that he does not know what love is, that he has never loved, that he is not ready for love and a serious relationship, you should listen.
You can, without getting attached, be nearby and watch how things will go. You don’t have to wait until the person goes through this stage of their development. Here everything depends on how interesting the person is in all other qualities.
Understanding…
This is the most difficult part of love, often understanding comes only after years of living together. But the first signs that everything will work out are also immediately visible: “I don’t understand what you’re doing, but I’d really like you to explain it to me.” This is about intellectual closeness, about the variety of tools with which a man learns about himself and reality.
A man will be able to understand a lot about a woman and her life over time, if he wants to, if he allows himself to let something different into his worldview, something different from what he has already understood about life. If the framework of his beliefs is flexible, it is much easier to live with. The willingness to listen and understand is the ability to conduct a dialogue at all stages of a relationship. This is very important for the stability and harmony of the relationship.
Of course, physical attraction is also important . But at a certain age you stop separating the physical and the spiritual, that is, the closeness of the souls of a man and a woman almost certainly gives rise to attraction, and physical attraction separately from another union is no longer interesting.
Of course, these components of love do not come in full right away, but their absence is obvious from the first days of acquaintance. Without them, the relationship turns into pain, and this is no longer love. My opinion is this: you can develop what you have; but if something is missing, you can’t drag it in by the ears.
You can call it high expectations. Or you can call it the most ordinary, because everything described is a natural manifestation of a holistic, mature person. After all, I am like that myself and I give all this to another person. Why should I want less? “Just so that he was” and “it’s easier to live with a man” are definitely not what I need. I have twenty-one years of family life in my suitcase of experience. Now is the time to be happy with a new worldview and wait for what the soul asks for.
Grigory Pomerants wrote that love as strong as death, high and incinerating, filling everything, is a rare and dangerous gift. The great mechanisms of the universe work here, so I am ready for the fact that Love may not happen in my life.
Moreover, I am sure that even in this case I will not die of boredom. Love is more than sensual love between a man and a woman, and life is beautiful and exciting in itself.
