There are plenty of instructions and tips on how to master your first date. But it is just as important to know what happens next when both parties say, “Yes, I want to see you again.” What should you bear in mind when going on a second date with your new acquaintance? Does everything just happen by itself? Or are there things here that you should keep in mind? We have thought about what a perfect second date could look like.
The first date is there to “sniff each other out,” to find out if there is chemistry, if you can talk and laugh together, and if you are on the same wavelength. If you can answer yes to these points, a second date usually follows, where you try to build on the mutual sympathy from the first meeting. You might think that meeting again is no longer so important. After all, you know who and what to expect… but do you? After all, a second date is a first date in a certain way and no less exciting. Whereas the first meeting laid a foundation and you were able to add a real image to the visual, the second date is about building on that. But what can you do to make it a complete success?
Second date: Control your expectations
If you have only had sporadic contact between your meetings, a second date can be just as exciting or unsettling as the first. After all, you don’t know what to expect. If you have a lot of contact, it is natural to want to build on the quality of the closeness that has grown. The biggest mistake you can make before the second date is to have false expectations. Just like with the first meeting, the same applies here: stay relaxed! Even if you have both agreed to go on a second date, you are still at the very beginning. The foundation of your getting to know each other is still shaky. In addition, you cannot estimate what exact impression you made on your date. Certainly, you do not find each other disgusting, but there are a range of reasons that could have led your counterpart to say “yes” to a second date. It ranges from “It’s fine, we can meet again” to “I find them interesting, I want to get to know them better” to “I am blown away, I have to see this person again”. In very rare cases, however, one person knows from the other what category the other person puts a second date in. So try to be unbiased and rely solely on your intuition and gut feeling; it’s about being authentic and credible, not about torturing yourself. The second date can be just as nice as the first. Or not. But maybe it will be even nicer. Just try to ignore your expectations as much as possible.
Second date: Control your expectations
If you have only had sporadic contact between your meetings, a second date can be just as exciting or unsettling as the first. After all, you don’t know what to expect. If you have a lot of contact, it is natural to want to build on the quality of the closeness that has grown. The biggest mistake you can make before the second date is to have false expectations. Just like with the first meeting, the same applies here: stay relaxed! Even if you have both agreed to go on a second date, you are still at the very beginning. The foundation of your getting to know each other is still shaky. In addition, you cannot estimate what exact impression you made on your date. Certainly, you do not find each other disgusting, but there are a range of reasons that could have led your counterpart to say “yes” to a second date. It ranges from “It’s fine, we can meet again” to “I find them interesting, I want to get to know them better” to “I am blown away, I have to see this person again”. In very rare cases, however, one person knows from the other what category the other person puts a second date in. So try to be unbiased and rely solely on your intuition and gut feeling; it’s about being authentic and credible, not about torturing yourself. The second date can be just as nice as the first. Or not. But maybe it will be even nicer. Just try to ignore your expectations as much as possible.
Second date: what should we do?
The general rule for a second date is to stay on neutral ground! If the meeting doesn’t go as expected, you can end it more easily this way. The meeting is usually divided into different phases. For example, you meet in the afternoon for a joint activity (outdoors) and then end the meeting in a relaxed atmosphere in a pub or bar.
Here are some examples that would be particularly suitable for a second date:
Take a stroll after visiting a cozy café.
Visit an exhibition, museum, zoo, or theme park
Play mini golf, go inline skating, or take a pedal boat tour before having a picnic.
You should choose the activity based on the communication options because if you can’t have a proper conversation, it’s not possible to get to know each other better. Even though many people think that going to the cinema, theater or concert together is perfect for a second date, it’s not advisable. Even an invitation to someone’s home could be misunderstood…
Second date: don’t overestimate it!
We all know Hollywood films in which sparks fly on the first date and the couple is happily together from that point on until the end of their lives. Love is always associated with something big: big feelings, big dramas that ultimately end in big feelings. As beautiful as such moments are on screen, they have absolutely nothing to do with reality! Unfortunately, these films often give us such a twisted idea of falling in love that we think: if it doesn’t work out on the second date, then he’s not the right one. But we have to be honest with ourselves: we don’t know the person we’re going on a second date with! We can’t judge why they act the way they do or how they feel and think. And the other person doesn’t know about us either. So: relax, enjoy the moment, and let things develop slowly. Even if a second date wasn’t enough to know whether you two can imagine more than friendship—just meet a third and fourth time! Many people often only recognize character strengths, values, and true reliability over time.
If your second date was just as successful as your first and both of you answered the question “Is that it or will we see each other again?” with a clear “Again!”, you can be sure that the other person is more interested in you. Congratulations and off to the third date, which may even pave the way for a new relationship… But if the spark didn’t fly, don’t be too disappointed. You just haven’t found your match yet. Just see the first and second dates as nice, entertaining hours and a valuable experience!
