15 Real Men Reveal Exactly What’s Going Through Their Head During The First Month Of A Relationship

Girl meets boy, girl, and boy like each other, and they spend the first month of their relationship totally freaking out. Sound familiar?! Yeah, this is most likely how a lot of relationships begin for people. Love is messy and weird and can really confuse you. Even when you know that you’ve found the person who you’re meant to be with and even when you’re thrilled about that, you can still have some insecurities and fears.

You might know how you feel when you’ve started dating a new guy — totally excited, kind of obsessed with him (in a good way, of course), and unable to shut up about him whenever you talk to anyone. You know that’s kind of annoying and hate to be “that girl” and yet you are, every single time. That’s just what dating does to you. But how do guys feel when they first start seeing someone? What do they think about? Honestly, it sometimes can feel like a total and complete mystery. Guys might think that women are mysterious, but it definitely goes both ways.

Are you wondering what guys think about during that all-important first month? Here are 15 things that go through a man’s head during the first month of a relationship.

15He Doesn’t Want To Mess Things Up

When you meet a guy who you really like, you might hope that you don’t screw things up (you know, like you have every other time). You definitely don’t need to beat yourself up because everyone makes mistakes in relationships and chances are, you just weren’t meant to be with your ex-boyfriends and those breakups weren’t your fault.

Well, as it turns out, guys think about that kind of stuff, too. At the beginning of a new relationship, guys feel very strongly about not wanting to mess things up. As one guy posted on Reddit.com,

“it’s almost stressful how badly I want to be amazing for her. Sigh, but so worth it.”

Okay, how cute is that?! You want to wait for a guy who feels that way about you for sure.

14He Wants To Make Sure He’s Actually Into You

While you might know on the first date that you’re interested in getting to know this guy and would love to be his girlfriend, not every guy knows that quite so soon. Girls have more of a reputation for falling in love at first sight, although of course guys can feel that way, too.

According to one guy who posted on Reddit.com,

“It takes a few weeks for me to settle out on whether I’m seriously interested.”

So it’s safe to say that for some men, they spend the first few weeks to a month wondering if they really do like this girl and if they want to pursue something with her. It might suck to hear this because you want to think that your crush feels the same way, but it’s good that people want to be super sure before wasting your time.

13He Wants To Make Things Official

If you’re in a relationship, maybe you and your guy made things official super fast. It could have been after only a few weeks of dating or just over a month. Maybe your friends and family were shocked at how fast this happened, but to you and your boyfriend, it just felt like the right thing to do. You both knew that you had a connection and that it was for real.

It seems like if a guy is truly into the girl that he’s dating, he won’t hesitate to call her his girlfriend. As one guy put it on Reddit.com,

“Personally I like to make things official pretty quick because I’m not the type to date more than one person at a time. Earliest I’ve done this was 2 weeks. Latest I’ve done this was 2 months.”

Wow we’re super impressed by this guy! Although it’s not surprising as guys are a lot more simple than we might think.

12He Wants You To Meet His Friends

You always hear that when a guy is serious about you, he wants you to meet his friends. Some people think that meeting the family is more of a big deal than meeting the friend group and others see it the other way around. Like some things in dating, there’s no right or wrong answer.

It definitely seems like when a guy really likes you and it’s the first month of the relationship, he’ll be sure to have his friends meet you. One guy wrote on Reddit.com that he always has his girlfriend meet his friends within that time frame:

“About a month in, after our 6th date, 7th date was an occasion to meet some of my friends and I asked her if she was OK with me introducing her as ‘my girlfriend’.”

It’s really as simple as that ladies! Nothing too complicated here.

11He Feels A Rainbow Of Emotions

It’s totally a lie that only girls are emotional. Guys can be sensitive and emotional as well, and a lot of guys would probably be kind of insulted that society always wants them to be these manly, solid types who don’t shed a single tear or ever show any emotions.

How do guys feel within the first month of dating you? They feel a whole rainbow of emotions, just like you. As one guy eloquently put it on Reddit.com, guys who are in love feel,

“Happy, sad, confused, understanding, daydreaming, motivated, procrastinating, fools that want nothing else as much as we want to spend time with her.”

Yup, that is perfect and exactly how you feel, don’t you think? It’s hard to think of a better way to put it than that.

10He’s Cool With Taking It Slow

To take it slow or not… This is a big issue for a lot of people. On the one hand, you figure that taking it slow is the smart way to go since then you won’t jump into anything and get your heart broken. On the other hand, you wonder if the guy will lose interest and think that you’re not interested.

According to one guy on Reddit.com,

“Taking it slow is fine when combined with thinking of you gestures.”

He describes these as gestures that aren’t traditionally romantic. You can get behind those, right?! That guy sounds like a perfect boyfriend. It’s comforting to know that some guys really are cool with taking it slow and won’t make a big deal out of it.

9He Wants To Make Sure There Are No Red Flags

You’ve definitely heard of red flags, and on Reddit, there’s a forum where guys discuss “green flags” (aka positive things that make them want to keep dating a girl). That suggests that guys really want to make sure that there are no red flags with the girl that they’re dating.

It also seems like the first month of the relationship is the best time to think about red flags. You probably do that, too, since you want to make sure that this guy is worth spending time with and that there aren’t going to be any terrible surprises later on. That’s only going to break your heart. The guy that you’re seeing might give you specific compliments that prove that he doesn’t see any red flags, and he might say that you’re different (in a good way) from his ex-girlfriend.

8He Wonders If You Want The Same Things As Him

You might have a list of the qualities that you want in a boyfriend, and you want him to believe in love and commitment. Maybe you want to get married and have a family so that goes on the list, too, or you want to travel and save up for that. Whatever it is, it’s a good idea to talk to your new boyfriend about that kind of stuff to make sure that you’re on the same page.

Guys want to be on the same page, too. As one guy put it on Reddit.com, he looks for “Shared values and long-term goals” when he’s dating someone new.

It’s helpful to learn that since you might think that it’s only a girl thing to think this way, but it’s definitely not.

7He Thinks It’s So Easy Being With You

Of course, you want things to feel easy and effortless when you get into a relationship. You might not be sure if guys think about that kind of stuff, but according to one guy’s response in a first date thread on Reddit.com, they really do.

As he wrote about one of his best first date experiences,

“…it was utterly effortless, we hit it off immediately, there was great chemistry, and we wound up spending about five hours together.”

Awww. Doesn’t that just sound like the best thing ever? That’s for sure how you want things to feel. You can be sure that if you’re dating someone and it’s early days, he’s thinking about how easy it is to be with you, and he’s really happy about it.

6He’s Cool With Waiting

When you start dating a guy, the question of when the two of you are going to get intimate comes up at some point. It can be awkward, especially if you have less experience than him (or the other way around, which of course happens, even if it isn’t something that is talked about).

You’re probably wondering if guys are really okay with waiting. According to movies that portray guys as players who just want to be with every girl, it seems like no guy would wait. Well, that’s just not true. As one guy shared on Reddit.com,

“My current GF and I didn’t even reveal herself until after about date 5, over a month after meeting her…She thanked me for being so understanding and patient. I’m genuinely at a point of ‘it happens when it happens’ these days.”

We love this guy’s mentality when it comes to becoming intimate. It really seems like he respected his girlfriend and her choices to wait. So lovely!

5He Wants You To Pay For Stuff Too

Do you pay on the first date? What about the second… or the third… or every date for the first month of dating someone?

It’s a bit of a headache-inducing question for sure. You can probably tell that guys don’t really want to pay for absolutely everything because, well, that’s just not fair. And that’s a lot of pressure. It seems like it’s a red flag if a girl expects the guy to always foot the bill and the total opposite if she wants to split it. One guy’s green flag on Reddit.com was,

“They’re not making me pay for everything.”

So there you have it. When you start dating a guy, he for sure wants you to pay for dates and share those costs.

4He’s Distracted By You

You know that amazing feeling when you meet a cool guy and just can’t get him out of your head? You think about him all the time and just always want to be with him. It’s almost crazy that you never knew him before and now, all of a sudden, he’s absolutely everything to you.

Well, as it turns out, guys get distracted when they like a girl and are in the early stages of dating here as well. As one guy put it on Reddit.com,

“I get stupid when in a new relationship. Overly giddy. Distracted.”

Yup. You can agree that you get giddy and distracted, right? And it’s the best thing ever. It’s exactly what you want to happen because that’s when you know that you really have connected with someone.

3He Doesn’t Want To Think About Your Number

Some couples share a lot about their romantic history once they’ve made things official (or maybe a little bit before). Other couples don’t want to talk about that stuff and would rather pretend that they never loved anyone before. Both approaches are totally valid.

Do all guys care about your number? Is it really that big of a deal? It definitely depends, but from what one guy posted on Reddit.com, there are some guys who would rather not talk about this subject at all:

“I honestly don’t care about partner count. She’s with me and that’s all I care about.”

That’s a relief, right? Because, honestly, that is one awkward conversation and it’ll be even more awkward to talk about this stuff if your boyfriend takes it super seriously.

2He Wants To Be Himself Around You

You always want to find a guy who you can be your true self with. You shouldn’t have to put on airs or pretend, and you should feel confident that he loves you for you.

It makes sense that guys would feel the same way, and from what guys have posted in the forums mentioned above on this list, more guys feel this way than not. When you’re dating a guy and it’s the first month, he definitely cares a lot about whether he can be himself around you. That means he wants to be his goofy, silly self telling goofy, silly jokes if that’s his thing, or he wants to nerd out about certain topics if that’s his personality. When you can tell that he’s really being himself, that’s when you know that he’s into you for real.

1He Wonders When He Can Say He Loves You

Some guys wait months to tell the girl that they’re dating that they love her, but others, like some who have posted in Reddit.com threads, are cool with saying those three little words within the first month of dating.

Some wait one month, others wait two months, but generally speaking, the guy who is truly interested in you will think about it after a month. He might not always say it right away, but you can be sure that he’ll spend some time wondering if he can say it yet. He’ll worry about it being too soon but will eventually realize that it’s how he feels and that he has to just be honest. And you’ll know that he means it when he finally says it. How cute is that?!