Trust in a relationship is extremely important, especially for women. For most of them, it is the basis of a good partnership. Strangely, it is precisely women who are not so strict about honesty. According to a survey by the online dating agency Parship, women are not so sparing with lies in relationships. They do it more often than men.
Parship asked 2000 singles aged 18 to 65 how they would behave towards future partners. The partners were asked to assess their behavior in different situations. The men were far more honest. They would keep far fewer secrets to themselves.
Infatuations remain secret
Both men and women said that they do not share many small intimate secrets with their future partners. Very few women and men would share secret crushes, for example. Most people also keep quiet about secretly spying on the other person’s cell phone or email inbox, but here the women are even more “secretive”: 72 percent of them admitted to keeping these “details” to themselves. The figure was 10 percent less for men.
Men are also apparently more honest about their past: two-thirds of single women said they keep secret affairs and flings from previous relationships. Almost as many (64 percent) want to keep to themselves how many men they have slept with in their lives. If he is not interested, so much the better. Men are more open about past love affairs and missteps: 59 percent of them lie about affairs and flings, and every second man lies about the number of women he has slept with. But that is not exactly a small number. If a woman were to cheat on her future partner, every second woman would keep it secret (51 percent). There are no differences here compared to men.
One in four keeps their erotic fantasies to themselves
At least one in four (24 percent) is ashamed of his or her erotic preferences, or at least they would keep their fantasies to themselves. What a pity, since they are particularly attractive. One in three (34 percent) also doesn’t bring up embarrassing youthful sins.
Illnesses, drug or addiction problems, on the other hand, are not reasons for lying in a relationship. Very few people hold back on the truth, namely 7 percent of women and 16 percent of men. Financial matters are also usually discussed openly, with only one in five keeping them secret.
Now the question naturally arises as to what extent the men and women interviewed gave equally truthful statements. A comparative study between couples would certainly be interesting. Especially since behavior can change when you are confronted with the situation.
How many lies can the relationship tolerate?
Small lies in a relationship, such as white lies, do not harm. But a partnership cannot tolerate too many secrets in the long term, especially false ones. It becomes problematic when the partner feels betrayed and trust is lost as a result. Repairing the breaches of trust that have occurred is hard and time-consuming work.
Secrets in a relationship are to be distinguished from lies in a relationship. It is perfectly acceptable to have small secrets. And they are attractive. If you know the other person’s every thought, you stifle their imagination. You should not confuse the demand for trust with the demand for unconditional openness. A partnership should not remove the boundaries of individuality. Secrets are important for the individual.
Pressuring the other person to reveal everything is always a step beyond the bounds. Additionally, demonstrating true trust does not entail sharing everything but rather demonstrating the confidence that keeping something private will not jeopardize a relationship.
