Not Attracted to Your Partner? 9 Ways to Spark It Up

Everyone goes through phases in a relationship where it seems as though you have lost attraction for one another. Affection comes to a screeching halt and you’re both left feeling deprived and sometimes even insecure and afraid.

This phenomenon is definitely not uncommon. This happens to couples near and far–and yet somehow everything seems to work out-for the most part, anyway. It isn’t that you don’t find them attractive. It’s just that you two have lost that initial spark that gets the fire going.

Whenever I feel like the attraction is wearing off in a relationship, I stop and think about why that might be. Are we just too busy to notice each other? Did they do something that I don’t think is attractive and now I just can’t seem to feel the attraction anymore? [Read: 10 ways to create sexual chemistry and make it stay]

Ways to get the attraction back!

No matter the reason for the rut that you may be in, there are definitely solutions. Sometimes, you have to be the one to take initiative and make your partner see you in that light again. Pooling all our experience, we have come up with nine surefire ways to get the attraction back into your relationship so you can begin enjoying each other again!

#1 Take time to miss each other. When you are always together and you see each other often, you become numb to the way they look and the things they do. Basically, you’re too used to them being around to find any attraction in it.

You both need to take time to miss each other. The old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” is absolutely true and you need to put it into practice. Spend some time apart. Go spend a couple of nights with a friend and just enjoy yourself. Not only will your partner miss you when you’re gone, but you’ll come back relaxed and happy – another attractive trait. [Read: Does absence make the heart really grow fonder or wander?]

#2 Start dating each other again. This may sound silly since obviously you two are dating already, but hear me out. Do you remember the kinds of dates you both went on in the beginning of the relationship? The ones where you couldn’t wait to get home and rip their clothes off and have your way with them?

Those are the kinds of dates I’m talking about! Don’t just get dinner at the drive through. Sitting in a car for ten minutes is not going to get any sparks going. Go on actual dates so you can feel like it’s the start of your relationship again. Nothing will get the fire started like remembering how you felt in the beginning.

#3 Put some effort into your appearance. I know this may sound vain, but seriously! I bet since you guys have been together for a long time, you have probably grown lax in trying to look nice for each other. You ladies are probably not putting on makeup as often, and you guys are probably not shaving so much either.

As bad as it may sound, your physical appearance is a huge part of why they wanted to be with you in the first place. And although they may think you look great without all of that stuff, there’s no denying that your significant other would go wild just to see you dolled up and looking hot. [Read: 30 naughty questions for couples to bring the spark back in love]

#4 Reduce the stress in your life. Stress can play a key role in people losing attraction for each other. If you’re too stressed out in your everyday life, it can be really hard to turn it off when you get home and enjoy the company of your special someone.

Exercising regularly and doing stress-relieving exercises at home is a great way to keep stress at bay. Not only will exercising get you into shape and make your partner see you in a new light, but it will make you feel better about yourself and you’ll feel way sexier and more confident!

#5 Do some recreational activities together. Couples thrive on shared experiences. It’s time for you both to let loose and have a good time. It’s a great way for the two of you to find a common hobby and work together.

Join a local sand volleyball team during the summer months, or take up bowling and join a league. Seeing your partner excel at something is sure to make you find them attractive again. And even if you both suck at it, at least you suck together and can bond over the experience. [Read: 10 fun sex games to play with your boyfriend in bed]

#6 Try something new with them. Whether it be a new activity, food, restaurant, or even a sex position, trying new things with each other is another method to reconnect in a way that you haven’t in a long time.

Whenever you try something new, you are creating a compelling memory with that other person. I know I can never even eat edamame without thinking about one of my exes because he forced me to eat those weird green things! But since I ended up loving them, I had him to thank for it. Seeing your significant other being adventurous is extremely sexy.

#7 Do something special just for them. Cook their favorite dinner and serve it by candle light, get them tickets to see their favorite band, give them a weekend vacation with their friends paid for by you – do anything that will show them that you still want them to be happy and that you care.

Now, you don’t have to spend a fortune. Little things that are completely free – like making a special dinner at home – are really easy ways for you to give them the opportunity to appreciate you again. Not only will it make them happy, but it’ll kick-start their attraction for you again. [Read: 25 of the sweetest romantic gestures for everyday life]

#8 Realize that sparks flicker, or even blow out, and it’s okay. Accepting the fact that maybe you guys are just in a rut is the first step to really getting the attraction back. Every couple goes through these tough times and they all usually make it out.

Just because you two are fighting to get the attraction back doesn’t mean it’s lost forever and it doesn’t mean that you two don’t belong together. It simply means that the business that is life has gotten in the way and it’s up to you to find out what made you want to get in their pants in the first place. [Read: 18 naughty ways to make time for sex in a busy schedule]

#9 Look back at old memories. Do you have a photo album of all the old pictures you guys have together? Maybe even some from your first date? First Halloween as a couple? I know whenever I feel like I’m losing the attraction, I look back at all of those images.

Nothing makes me remember why I’m attracted to my significant other more than looking back at old, sweet text messages that I have saved or old pictures of the two of us. It brings back memories of those days and the things that happened during them. Do that, and you’ll start to remember why you fell for them and found them so hot in the first place. [Read: 12 real reasons why couples drift apart over time]

Digging yourself out of a relationship rut can be quite a challenge. But getting the attraction for your partner back is one way to get out and we have given you 9 easy ways to do just that!


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