One is not better than the other, and at some stages of your life, you may want to be the guy she wants to date, and at others *probably later on*, you want to be the guy that she wants to marry.
So what makes a guy an attractive dating prospect?
The man that women want to date is exciting. If a woman is just looking to date and not interested in a serious relationship, she wants to be with someone who is fun and interesting. Her priorities probably lie elsewhere such as her career.
The man that women want to have a serious relationship with and marry is someone whom she can envision spending the rest of her life with – safe, secure, and probably father material.
Knowing where you are in your life and what you are looking for will determine which archetype is going to lead to you successfully achieving what you desire – fun times with the woman you’re dating or a commitment that leads to marriage. [Read: 15 things women look for in a man before falling for him]
How to be the man she wants to date
Be exciting and unpredictable. Women crave spontaneity and excitement in their lives, and if you provide it, she will be extremely happy to date you. Way too many men nowadays play it so safe that they become boring.
They put women on a pedestal too much and kiss ass in hopes of being rewarded with intimacy. Unfortunately for them, this is a massive turn off for many women. [Read: 7 dumbest mistakes men make in relationships]
Woman tend to date “bad boys,” especially when they are younger and their priorities lie elsewhere. They know that the relationship is likely not going to go anywhere, so they opt for the most fun option – going for the guy who is most attractive at the moment, even if they rationally know that it is not going to lead to anything serious. Men who are looking to date and not get into a serious relationship typically want to know how to become this guy. [Read: 25 awesomely bad ways to become a total badass girls love]
The term “bad boy” can be slightly misleading, as it doesn’t mean you are actually a bad person or that you treat women badly. It is just a label that describes men who are unpredictable, uninterested in anything serious *almost to the point of emotional distance*, and exciting enough to give women the thrill they crave.
They’re looking to get the most out of their life *and that includes experience with relationships*, and the idea of settling down isn’t particularly appealing to them. [Read: Good vs. Bad – What kind of guys do girls like?]
Some of these traits don’t sound especially pleasant, but it is not coming from a nasty place – just forging their own path in life, and if people want to come along for the ride, that’s great. If not, that’s great too.
Think of the action movie characters that women swoon over, like James Bond or Jason Statham in The Transporter. They have these characteristics. They have their mission in the world and go about it with little regard for what others think, which is exactly why they are so attractive.
This guy has many options when it comes to women. He has not heavily invested in any one person, but is rather content on his own. He might play the field, or he might just date casually and spend the bulk of his time doing other things. The fact that other women like him and his thrill-seeking ways acts as a kind of social proof. If others like him, there must be something attractive about him, the subconscious mind thinks. [Read: 10 reasons why girls love to date the bad boy]
How to be the man she wants to marry
The above stated traits are still universally attractive to women, but to be the guy she wants to settle down with forever, your priorities and actions need to be different.
You don’t want to be predictable and boring, but you should be secure and safe. She wants to know that you can take care of a family, will provide, and be a good father. Whether you want to have kids straight away, later, or not at all, the traits of a good father will be similar to those of a good husband.
Be strong and decisive, but at the same time, kind and emotionally connected at a deeper level with your family and loved ones. Have a sense of responsibility for your actions, but be ready to involve your partner in the decisions you wish to make. [Read: 9 undeniable signs you’re already a husband material]
When you’re dating and especially when you’re young, being a starving artist or bartender is seen as “cool,” edgy, and not a bad thing at all. But when you are thinking about settling down, getting old together and having kids, women will value success and security. Having a good job and the means to support yourself is important.
No female wants to marry a guy she is going to have to provide for and treat like another child. This is why it’s a good idea to focus on your work and career to get your life in order before you think about settling down. [Read: 25 signs and qualities that make you the best of both worlds]
Following on from this, the decision to get into a serious relationship is not taken lightly, and the woman you want to be with will definitely consider the opinions of her close friends and family. Being a nice, reliable, and kind guy will endear you to those around her.
Show them that you can treat her well, and they will give their blessing. If her loved ones don’t like you, it may well put a stop to a budding serious relationship before it ever got started. [Read: Are you the type of guy she can show off to mom?]
Of course, you should not be a pushover and should still be your own man, following your dreams and passions, and working to live the life that you desire. The difference is now you desire marriage and a family in that life, which will become two of your top priorities.
Which one do you want to be?
In my opinion, a man should spend his youth focused on personal growth and building a life of success for himself and his future family. This means dating casually and gaining both relationship and general life experience through the teens and early twenties.
As you get to your mid to late twenties, you might decide it’s time to start thinking about marriage and a family, and move towards settling down. At this stage, you will need to consider your behavior and actions in line with your priorities. If you want to date, work on being attractive to women who only want to date around. If you want a more serious relationship, work on being stable and reliable. [Read: What men think impresses women and what actually does]
On the flip side, if you have always been the “nice guy” who wants to escape the dreaded friend zone and enjoy a more fulfilling dating life, you will want to try and adopt some of the traits from the guy she wants to date.
I’m not saying you should be false or pretend to be something you are not. Rather, you want to actually reassess your perspective on women and relationships, and look at what you want to get out of it. If you want to date casually, but your behaviors are saying you want something serious, it is this mismatch that is damaging your success. Indeed, if you were looking for something more serious, you may find more success. But the key is to align your actions with your intentions.
