Mikhail Labkovsky: “Don’t bend over backwards for a man.” Much has been said about neurotic love, but the debates around it just won’t die down. Much has been said about neurotic love, but the debates around it just won’t die down. Some can’t understand why their relationships are constantly like a powder keg, while others have already figured it all out but can’t find someone with whom the wars will finally stop. I suggest we finally figure out neurotic relationships and learn to turn them into healthy ones.
Is there any point in suffering?
Love with a big fat minus sign is feelings for a person who will never be with you. Or for a person with whom you constantly argue. We can endlessly dig into the past and identify all the reasons why your personal life is developing this way.
Or we can start with practice and finally learn to live in love and harmony. To begin with, I must raise one fact: statistically, there really are few men in Russia.
I remember sitting in a restaurant with friends. There were five or six of us, all male. And opposite sat a group of women: they were beautiful, obviously successful, give or take our age.
They kept shooting their eyes at us all evening. And at some point one of them came up to us and said, “We’re not asking you to get married tomorrow. But can we at least come up and get to know each other?”
For me, this is yet another illustration of the unpleasant circumstance that in our country the number of representatives of the stronger half is truly negligible, compared to women.
But at the same time, let me remind you, my dears, that some of you spend your years alone, while others get married and everything is fine. Look how our compatriots live in the realities of acute demographics.
Women are so afraid of being left behind that they agree to everything: to those who do not satisfy them in bed, who are significantly lower in social status, to those who allow themselves to insult or even raise a hand. And this list can be continued indefinitely.
It would seem that everything is clear here: the reason for neurotic relationships in Russia is that there are simply not enough men for everyone. However, I remind you again: you probably have a friend who spent a long time and meticulously choosing a husband from an endless list of admirers.
And having chosen, she stayed with him for many years. There are women whose personal lives are fine even in our country. And they are completely happy.
Why? Because they chose the path of health. They knew how to send away that admirer who dared to be rude to the bartender in front of them on their first date. They waved goodbye to the one who simply did not want to get married. They said goodbye to the one who threw socks around the apartment without any fear.
Because order in the house was a value for one particular woman, and she understood perfectly well that this particular gentleman would not change and there was absolutely nothing to do with him.
And these women did not necessarily “come” from a prosperous background; they, too, could have had divorced parents and fathers who had left for other families. Such women simply one day realized what they wanted and decided to adjust their lives to their expectations. And you know what? They won.
To be a queen or to be happy?
Many people accuse me of advising women to immediately send men who don’t satisfy them in small ways to hell. Once, when I was walking with my daughter, a guy came up to me and said that because of my book, his friends were dumped by their fiancées, and now they all want to beat me up.
But I am not at all calling on you to behave in this way: to assert your rights, to issue ultimatums, and to make men dance to your tune. I am suggesting something completely different: not to bend. To erase dry statistics from your head: if you want, you will not be included in them. And to look only for someone with whom you are truly happy.
Yes, for one woman, the notorious socks are a big fat point, and she will not put up with it. And another will simply throw her socks next to the men’s.
Just understand that your love life will consist of these socks, unanswered calls, pain, doubts, sometimes humiliations, and harsh words. But why do you need it? As soon as you choose yourself, you already become a more whole and healthy person.
The psychological axiom says: the prosperous choose the prosperous, the healthy choose the healthy. Only then do you really have a chance to meet that prince on a horse who is right for you and with whom you will truly be happy. And yes, the first step to getting out of a neurotic relationship and never getting into one is to choose yourself. Believe me, you will not regret it!
