If Your Biggest Relationship Challenge Is Deciding Whether Or Not You Should Be Together, You Are Not Actually In Love

In love, and in life, people can use words and sentiments to mislead you, but their actions will always speak their truth.

This is especially profound if you consider that most people, under most circumstances, essentially do whatever it is they want to do — and never so much as when it comes to love.

Throughout time, relationships have endured deployments, language barriers, warring families, worldwide distances, and every other conceivable obstacle — and survived.

People have committed to one another in the most unlikely of circumstances. People have committed to one another when the timing wasn’t “right.” People have committed to one another despite experiencing backlash and disapproval. People have committed to one another despite every single reason why they shouldn’t.

This is because when two people actually want to be together, almost nothing will stand in their way.


And when two people actually don’t, almost nothing will convince them otherwise.

If your biggest relationship challenge is trying to decide whether or not you should be together, you are not actually in love.

You are not in love despite deciphering signs and signals and influxes of hormones and matched up love maps and promises and electric connections that would likely convince you that a love like this isn’t coming around again — and so you had better grip tightly.


The truth is that we look for signs when we want a sign.

We manufacture signals when we need a signal.

We meet a dozen soulmates in a lifetime, but the people who we are meant to be with — the ones we really, legitimately love — are the ones we commit to without precedence, without pause, and without justification.

It’s not that your connection isn’t real.

It’s that somewhere, deep down, one or both of you knows you are both fundamentally incompatible in some irreconcilable way, and even if you do not consciously realize that’s what’s going on.

Instead of acknowledging that this is the case, we set up unconscious barriers.

We say it’s “not the right time.”


We say we “want to see what else it out there.”

We say we can’t survive long-distance, need to finish a degree, want to feel freedom, have travel plans already booked.

The honest truth is that when you really love someone, and you really want to be with them, not one lick of this matters.

You will be with them even if you do have to be long-distance, or travel for a while, or finish school. You will be with them even if other people tell you not to be with them. You will be with them even if you didn’t plan to be with someone at this point in your life.

People defy any and all odds in the face of true love.

They always have, and always will.

This message is not intended to break your heart, it is to free you so that you do not spend any more time on someone who has no intention of really loving you.

It is to help you realize you will never have to convince the right person to be with you, and if the primary issue in your relationship is that you’re deciding whether or not to be together, the answer is always no.

It might change in the future, it might not.

But right now, the person that’s right for you is the person who is right in front of you. It is the person who is walking with you through life unconditionally.

Sometimes, that’s just yourself.


Sometimes, you’re joined by someone who loves you a lot.

But do not spend any more of your time deluding yourself into thinking that the ghost of someone who said they would be with you is as real as the actual human being who decided not to.

The relationships that are right for us are the ones that exist.

Not the ones that exist in our hearts, our memories, our hopes, our projections or our dreams. Not the ones that exist in our futures, our somedays, or our maybes.

These are fantasies, ones that are holding you back of the beautiful, sublime, real experience of love.

Let yourself go, and let yourself find something better.


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