I Want To Love You, But I Don’t

I want to love you like I love silence and reading. I want you to be the image I see when I think of myself 10 years from now. I want you to be by my side forever, but as much as I want to want you, I don’t anymore.

For years, you have loved me carelessly and with every ounce you had, and up to now, that has been good enough for me. You’re the guy every girl wishes she had as her first real love.

I didn’t fall for someone who didn’t love me back or someone who wanted to break my heart or tear me down. You made me feel safe and light like air, and what more could I ask for, right?

I think what prevents me from loving you like I want to is the fact that our love has always been so easy. Loving you had become something so natural that it was almost casual, like loving a friend. It wasn’t passionate. It wasn’t what I imagined loving my future husband or the future father to my children would be like.

I know it sounds insane. Why would I want a love that I had to fight for and put effort into when I have something that is completely effortless? All I can say is that all great things don’t come easy.

I want a love I have to work towards every day. I want security and passion at the same time. I have this need to know what it is to fall for someone all over again. I have this desire to feel a fire in my stomach and in my heart.

I want to love you because, damn, you deserve it, and that’s why I have to admit to both you and I that we’re no longer the best thing for each other. I want you to find someone who makes you feel alive again, because you and I haven’t lived life to its fullest in a while.


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