How do we know if we really love the person we’re with?

I thought love was like a switch: something that lights up.

That it was an overwhelming feeling.

I thought love struck us like lightning.

When we know, we know. Is not it?

Well actually, not really. After 38 years and a divorce, I don’t see love that way anymore.

I discovered that love is a series of choices. The first choice is based on different factors, like chemistry, principles, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, our situation, what we want / need…

The weight of each factor changes depending on the individual. Based on these factors, we choose whether to start the process of loving or not. If we do decide to enter into this process, the act of loving can bring about moments of “changing light”.

The way the person looks at us, how they make us laugh.

But like in an airplane flight, there is turbulence. There are arguments, disagreements, little things that bother us. We start to wonder if we made the right choice.

When we start to have doubts, we have to make another choice: to continue flying with that person or to jump off the plane. This choice depends on many factors, again, depending on the individual and his background.

If we decide to jump, free fall will make us taller or make us miserable. But sooner or later we’ll take another plane. Then we will experience turbulence again, or maybe not. Maybe we’ll change our mind about the destination. But we’ll still have to choose between flying or jumping.

Love is a daily choice, to love or not to love. That’s all.

It’s very simple. We just have to choose whether to continue the process or not. It doesn’t mean that we don’t like the person. It means we have a choice. There is a difference between feeling love for someone (caring for a person) and loving someone (choosing to love that person). The choice to love is not a feeling, it is an action.

It is for this reason that it is so difficult. Because we have to do something, and I’m not just talking about giving gifts. It could mean putting our needs aside. Likewise, like chemistry, the capacity to love is not a constant: it is a variable. It varies according to our situation and our difficulties.

Sometimes it’s easy to love. Sometimes it is extremely difficult. But at the end of the day, it’s still a choice.

Even love varies, it also deepens. This means that the longer we stay on this flight and continue the journey together, the more fruitful the process will be. Our investment is paying off. Our choices become easier. We are not only getting stronger as a couple, but also as individuals.

So how do you know if it’s love? This is not the question to be asked in fact. Ask yourself the following question: are you choosing to like this person or not? Now. Not tomorrow. Today. Make a choice. Yes or no. If the answer is yes, love the person as much as possible. And if the answer is no, let the fall make you stronger.

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