Relationships are like plants—they need care, attention, and sometimes an honest assessment. But how do you know if your partnership still suits you or if it’s time for a change? These 8 questions will help you take a clear look at your relationship.
#1: Do you feel valued in your relationship?
Appreciation is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Pay attention to whether your partner recognizes your efforts, successes, and even the small everyday gestures. For example, does he or she thank you when you do the housework? Does the person show genuine interest in your hobbies or professional projects? Small gestures of recognition in everyday life are often more important than big gifts on special occasions.
#2: Can you be yourself in your relationship?
A relationship should give you space to develop further—without you having to compromise. So if you feel free to express your opinion, even if it differs from that of the other person, and you can be yourself, that is already a very good sign. A healthy relationship encourages you to be authentic. Even if opinions or tastes differ sometimes… So what?!
#3. How well do you communicate with each other?
Communication is the key to a fulfilling relationship. Can you speak openly about your feelings, desires, and problems? Are you able to talk about sensitive topics like money or sexual needs without it getting awkward or even ending in an argument? Can you tell your partner when something has hurt you without him or her immediately going on the defensive? Questions upon questions. But if you can listen to each other and try to understand each other instead of just convincing each other, that indicates a healthy foundation.
#4 Do you share similar values and visions for the future?
Shared values form the framework of a long-term relationship. Agreeing on important life decisions such as children, career, or where to live brings you closer together. This generally includes similar ideas about the future or certain values. But don’t get us wrong: Of course, it’s not about agreeing on everything (after all, you are still two individuals), but a common denominator is important.
#5: How do you deal with conflicts?
Arguments are part of every relationship; the key is how you deal with them. Can you resolve differences of opinion respectfully and find compromises? Do you stick to the topic or do you bring up old conflicts? Do you ultimately find a solution that both parties can live with? Healthy conflict resolution strengthens your relationship in the long term.
#6: Do you feel safe and secure in your relationship?
Trust and emotional security are essential. Do you feel cared for and supported by your partner? Can you speak freely about your fears and weaknesses? If you answer these questions with no, you feel insecure and often have doubts about the relationship; you should perhaps pay attention. Pay attention to your gut feeling—it often has more to tell you than you think.
#7: How is your intimacy?
Intimacy goes beyond sex—it’s also about emotional closeness and connection. Do you enjoy everyday affection, like hugs or kisses? Can you show your vulnerability and share your deepest feelings? Intimacy is a barometer of emotional closeness in a relationship. You should simply feel comfortable with each other, whether in bed or while you talk to each other and share feelings.
#8: Are there more positive than negative moments in your relationship?
A healthy relationship should be characterized by positive experiences. Do you laugh more than you cry? Do you feel happy more often than you feel frustrated? Of course, there are not only highs in a relationship but also lows, but these should not outweigh the others. So ask yourself whether the positive, beautiful moments in your relationship still outweigh the bad or whether everyday life is covered by a grey cloud. And these moments don’t even have to be big—it’s often the little things like laughing together or a loving gesture that makes the difference.
Our advice
These questions are of course not a checklist, but just food for thought. Every relationship is unique and has its ups and downs. You must be honest with yourself. If you notice that many of these questions are negative, it may be time for an open conversation with your partner.
Sometimes all it takes is small changes to find your way back to each other. In other cases, professional help, such as couples counseling, can open up new perspectives. And yes, sometimes the bravest step is to let go and take a new path. Always remember: You deserve a relationship in which you thrive and feel loved.
