The Truth About Closure: Why You Don’t Actually Need It
In the realm of relationships, few concepts are as sought after—and as misunderstood—as closure. Whether it’s the end of a romantic partnership, a friendship, or even a familial bond, the idea of closure is often portrayed as the ultimate goal, the final chapter that allows us to move on. But what if the pursuit of closure is actually holding us back? What if the truth is that we don’t actually need it to heal and grow?
What Is Closure, Really?
Closure is often defined as a sense of resolution or understanding that comes after a relationship ends. It’s the idea that by having one last conversation, receiving an apology, or gaining clarity about why things fell apart, we can neatly tie up loose ends and move forward. In theory, it sounds comforting. But in practice, closure is rarely as clean or satisfying as we imagine it to be.
The truth is, closure is often an illusion. Relationships are complex, and emotions are messy. Even if you get an explanation or an apology, it may not provide the peace you’re seeking. Why? Because closure is not something someone else can give you—it’s something you create for yourself.
Why the Pursuit of Closure Can Be Problematic
- It Keeps You Stuck in the Past
The more you focus on getting closure, the more you dwell on what went wrong. This can trap you in a cycle of rumination, preventing you from moving forward. Instead of focusing on the future, you’re stuck replaying the past, waiting for answers that may never come. - It Gives Others Power Over Your Healing
When you rely on someone else to provide closure, you’re essentially giving them control over your emotional well-being. But healing is an internal process. Waiting for an ex-partner to apologize or explain their actions keeps you dependent on them, rather than empowering you to take charge of your own recovery. - It Sets Unrealistic Expectations
Life is rarely as tidy as we’d like it to be. Even if you do get that final conversation, it may not bring the clarity or peace you’re hoping for. People are flawed, and their explanations may be incomplete, unsatisfying, or even hurtful. Chasing closure can leave you feeling more frustrated than before.
How to Move Forward Without Closure
The good news is that you don’t need closure to heal. In fact, true healing often comes from letting go of the need for it altogether. Here’s how you can move forward:
- Accept What You Can’t Control
Not every relationship will end with a clear explanation or a mutual understanding. Accepting this reality is the first step toward finding peace. Focus on what you can control—your own thoughts, actions, and growth—rather than what you can’t. - Create Your Own Closure
Closure doesn’t have to come from someone else. You can create it for yourself by reflecting on the relationship, acknowledging what you’ve learned, and deciding to let go. Write a letter you never send, journal about your feelings, or create a ritual to symbolize the end of that chapter. - Focus on the Present
Instead of dwelling on the past, shift your focus to the present. Engage in activities that bring you joy, spend time with loved ones, and invest in your personal growth. The more you focus on building a fulfilling life now, the less power the past will have over you. - Embrace the Messiness of Healing
Healing is not a linear process. There will be good days and bad days, moments of clarity and moments of doubt. That’s okay. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without judgment, and trust that with time, the pain will lessen.
The Real Truth About Closure
The real truth about closure is that it’s not a prerequisite for moving on. In fact, the need for closure often stems from a desire to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty and loss. But growth comes from embracing that discomfort, not running from it. By letting go of the need for closure, you free yourself to create a new narrative—one where you are the author of your own story.
In the end, the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. And that relationship doesn’t require closure—it requires compassion, patience, and the courage to keep moving forward, even when the path ahead is unclear.
So, the next time you find yourself longing for closure, remember this: You don’t need it to heal. You already have everything you need within you.
