Relationship Advice: 5 Stages of a Breakup: How to Survive and Move On In 2025

This is the first of the 7 stages of a breakup. This stage is especially relevant if you were the one who broke up with you and didn’t expect it. The shock of a breakup is associated with pain, disorganization, and confusion. You may try to rationalize it and feel a strong need to understand what went wrong. This is often confusing.

It is important to note that this stage is very painful and will be very focused on the question of “why?” You will be asking questions like “Why did this happen?” or “How could he do this to me?” in an attempt to understand. People feel like they are desperate for answers or looking for a way out of what happened. They just don’t understand it and the question “Why, why, why?” keeps coming up.

Shock and denial are closely related as you struggle with the reality of what happened. As people go into denial, they search for information – they tend to hyper-focus on things like, “She or he said they would love me forever, or he promised we’d go on vacation, or he really wanted to have kids with me.”

In denial, people talk about all sorts of things their partner said that they think indicate that their relationship will continue. They disagree that the other person should have broken up with them, and this usually leads to denial.

Denial may involve trying to convince yourself that your partner didn’t mean it, or that they will change their mind. We also try to rationalize it with logical thinking, but often this doesn’t make sense in the denial and shock phase.

This is the stage that can lead to a “relapse” or a return to the ex. In an attempt to make things right and/or solve the problem, people may begin to bargain with themselves or their ex .

Questions like, “What do I need to do differently?” and “Can we get another chance and try again?” come up. We think about all the possible problems and often blame ourselves for the relationship going wrong. At this stage, people are very concerned with “if onlys,” thinking that you can put up with things you didn’t like before because you want to be with this person so much.

Until things cool down, some time passes, and you both have a chance to get some clarity and closure, it is best to avoid contact at this stage. Again, we do not always think logically in these early stages, and if you want to move on and heal, you both will need plenty of personal space.

Once you get past the shock, denial, and bargaining, the reality of the breakup will begin to set in, and people often get really angry about what happened. This stage can come from a variety of sources, depending on the context of the relationship.

Are you angry because your partner betrayed you? Are you angry because the breakup happened so suddenly?  Are you angry at yourself – or at them – for not putting more into the relationship? It could even be a combination of all of these things.

At this stage, things like jealousy and competitiveness can get to our heads, whether these feelings are directed at our partner or at ourselves. Ultimately, however, anger is often the emotion that comes before we can face deeper feelings like pain, disappointment, grief, shame, helplessness, and so on.

Once the anger begins to dissipate, the real grieving process begins. During this stage, you slowly accept  the reality  that the breakup happened, even though you may not have necessarily accepted that it was actually over. Grieving a relationship is completely normal and to be expected. After all, not only did you lose your partner, but in a sense you also lost the person you were with—or at least the way that person made you feel.

You are also dealing with the loss of security that the relationship provided, in terms of future plans, mutual friends, his family, and everything else that you shared all along. All of this can lead to feelings of depression , emptiness, and apathy. Self-doubt and despair, loneliness, and abandonment can also creep in.

This is a particularly difficult stage to go through, but the good news is that once you begin to process these feelings of sadness and grief, you can begin to heal and move on. By leaning on your support system, prioritizing your own needs, and taking care of yourself, you can get through this difficult time.

Oh yeah, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. As you begin to accept the breakup, things will become more positive, and you may even begin to realize that this relationship wasn’t the only one for you. Acceptance can range from an apathetic reaction to genuine hope and overcoming your feelings for this person.

It’s important to remember this spectrum of acceptance because it’s not always a linear path. You may feel very confident about it, and at other times you’ll find yourself in denial or bargaining again.

However, you will know you are moving through the acceptance stage when you find yourself letting go and mentally distancing yourself from this person. You are thinking about yourself as an individual, rather than thinking about your ex. And you can see new beginnings, your future without him, hope and the fact that you can have someone else, he was not the only fish in the sea.

Beyond simply accepting the breakup, moving on is a whole other story. You truly know you’ve moved on when it’s not just about acceptance, but about truly detaching from that person. You’re able to redirect your focus away from the relationship and that person even more than when you first started accepting it, and you’re really focusing on yourself, your needs, and your own self -worth .

You’ve finally stopped checking his social media, you’re not thinking about him all the time, and you’re wishing him the best, knowing that you won’t be a part of it. As you move through this stage, you may feel like you’re ready to put yourself out there again and date someone new, and that’s great! Just try to be aware of whether you’re healing and truly ready to start a new relationship.

When you get to a place where you’re okay being alone, you’re no longer obsessing over your ex, and you can truly be emotionally independent, you’ll know that you’re ready to give love to someone else.

It’s important to note that these stages don’t necessarily happen in order for everyone, and you may jump in and out of your grief throughout the grieving process. Sometimes someone may be very angry at first, and then a couple of days after being angry, suddenly seem to be absorbing the shock, and then they’re in denial about it.”

But no matter how these stages find you, they can all be worked through. Breakups are hard and require a lot of self-love and a lot of support from your loved ones. It may feel awful, and it may take some time, but you will both get through it and come out with lessons learned and, hopefully, a willingness to try again when the time comes.