Relationship Advice: 3 Rules for Spouses Suffering from Their Partner’s Addiction In 2025?
3 Rules for Spouses Suffering from Their Partner’s Addiction Managing a loved one’s drug or alcohol addiction may not be easy, but those whose spouse suffers from a substance use disorder face an especially difficult situation that they must navigate alone.
First, the painful and often traumatic relationship consequences of addiction are compounded by the increased likelihood of divorce, which itself is considered the second most stressful life event that any person can face.
When the partner of an addict is trying to cope with their spouse’s substance abuse, entrusting the problem to their parents or relatives may seem like an unsafe option because you will leave them with a serious sense of loneliness. Your energy is so focused on helping your spouse recover that your own needs and emotional wounds are often ignored.
As a therapist who has worked with partners of addicts, I quickly learned that handling the situation with compassion, acceptance, and patience is not only a helpful way to support a spouse with addiction, but also a healthy strategy for yourself.
Below you will be able to read how to behave correctly in this situation, how to become more empathetic to your partner and help him get out of this difficult situation, instead of yelling at him and pointing a finger at his problem? Below are three rules.
3 rules for spouses suffering from their partners’ addictions:
Focus on the problem, not the person
You may view your spouse’s addiction as a personal affront that casts a negative light on your relationship that can’t be changed. It’s just as easy to start judging your spouse solely in terms of their addiction. (And, of course, a spouse stuck in a destructive cycle of drug or alcohol abuse may seem like a completely different person than the one you first fell in love with.)
But it’s a trap.
Attributing a diagnosable condition that may benefit from treatment to an inherent character flaw in your spouse’s personality can hinder the healing process. It suggests that positive change is virtually impossible.
Likewise, absorbing your spouse’s addiction in terms of what they say negatively about you may also be unhelpful when you’re working to build a supportive relationship. If you can, do your best to separate your spouse from their problem, and then work together to resolve the issue.
Ask yourself what is normal for you and what is not.
Compassion, acceptance, and patience are good rules of thumb, as long as you don’t continually give up your own desires to meet your spouse’s needs . If you find yourself exhausted by the endless self-sacrifice, make a list of what you will and won’t do to show compassion and support.
Then stick to it, with the understanding that you can always adjust the list as you go. Allowing yourself to have healthy boundaries is already a way to support your spouse in their recovery.
Use “I feel” and “I need” statements
“You” statements tend to put most people on the defensive. The same tendency applies only to those who are covering up an addiction.
Instead, try to get answers to how you feel in response to your partner’s behavior, and then talk to him directly about how you feel in the situation.
For example, you might say, “ I was scared when I came home from work and found you passed out on the floor,” or “I’ve been feeling so lonely lately because when I wanted to talk to you, you were drunk.”
While there is unfortunately no guarantee that your partner will hear you, since drugs and alcohol dull a spouse’s ability to empathize, such statements are more likely to create an emotional connection than any other.
And this mutual empathy (emphasis on “mutual”) will be an important building block for both your recovery and the recovery of your spouse and your relationship.
