Dealing with a depressed partner – how does a relationship work?

Depression is a mental illness and is more common than you might expect. Statistically, nearly 20 percent of all people in Germany are affected at least once in their lives by the age of 65. That’s one in five. Many of them are in a relationship. How the handling of depressive partners can work well, you will find out here.

Dealing with the depressive: How do affected people get along with it?

Depression has different mental and physical effects, so there is no cure for dealing with a depressed person . Not even the diagnosis is so easy because of different, usually superficial symptoms for the affected person . The only sure thing is that your partnership will be put to the test. We help you find a way to deal with loved ones and the disease and its effects.

Unfortunately, it is not a disease that can be cured like a cold: You take care of the person around you lovingly and after a few days he is well again. No, depressions are more treacherous .

They not only affect the sufferer, but also friends and relatives – you – suffer. Just keep it healthy does not work. Therefore, it is important that you do not come too short yourself.

Depression affects the partnership

Your partner suffers from listlessness. He can barely get up to something. You try to raise your spirits, think about what you can do together to get out of his dull mood. But all your attempts at animation and persuasion fail.

In the household everything may lie, the exchange of tenderness on the track. You probably know even those days when you can not really do anything and want to retire. That’s not bad, you think. Tomorrow is a new day.

But day by day it’s the same game. You try hard, but do not seem to get right at your counterpart, you feel rejected.

Guilty feelings often arise when dealing with the depressive

Is it maybe because of you? Are there any problems at work? What exactly is it that depresses people by your side? Why does not he simply tell you what’s going on?

You are getting angry. At the same time, feelings of guilt appear: Obviously he suffers. You want to help, but do not know how. In addition, so much depends on you, because you have to take off much of your sweetheart. He does his job only occasionally, unreliably or not at all anymore.

Perplexity, exhaustion and self-doubt are spreading in you. Similarly, your depressive partner feels. There is only one essential difference: you try to change something – but not him.

The situation may be similar or similar. Maybe you know some things.

Suddenly life is upside down

At the beginning is the diagnosis. You find that the person with whom you share your life suffers. Obviously there is a problem. It is unclear whether it is a temporary depressive mood or whether he is actually depressed. Only a doctor can find that out. Do you have an appropriate guess, keep it for you first. It does not help at this moment.

With a diagnosis often the first hurdle opens up: How can you get him to see a doctor? Of course you can make an appointment. Whether he is perceived, however, is not in your power.

Often, however, depressives alternate with apparently better phases. Use such as to encourage the related person to work together to find out the cause of the problems. Once this is known, dealing with it is usually easier. The child literally gets a name.

Turbulence in love

A depressive part in the partnership often makes it possible to get the other person’s mood too. While your partner, as a depressed person, seems to be giving in to his suffering, you try everything possible to get him and you out of the situation.

You want to help, so that everything becomes as before. That just does not work so easily, which leads to disappointment. You feel powerless. The suffering from a depression is obviously rather indifferent. He still feels responsible but is unable to change anything. Maybe he does not say “I love you” any more  and he does not feel like either . This in turn leads to feelings of guilt and the already existing self-doubt intensifies. Instead of the tender, intense love that unites you, an ever greater gap seems to arise.

We know that dealing with the depressive is a tightrope walk

Well-intentioned advice is often counterproductive for both sides . You worry and try to motivate your partner, he really does not accept anything and says nobody could help him anyway.

With you, therefore, increases the frustration and the feeling of helplessness. Self-doubt and feelings of guilt increase with him, because he does not feel valuable enough for you anymore and that’s why you suffer as well and maybe he retires even more.

We therefore recommend a little restraint, even if it is difficult: your efforts show what your sick counterpart is not capable of. As a result, he can plunge into an even deeper crisis.

Seven tips for the constructive handling of the depressive friend

Now we have shown you all sorts of problems and explains what they can reinforce. To help you deal better with your partner’s illness, you will now get some practical tips.

1. 1. Acceptance It is
      not without reason that you love this human being, even if everything is different at the same time. Try to accept that your depressed friend is actually sick. The problems in themselves have nothing to do with your love, although they make the partnership much more difficult.
   2. Inform You
      The better you are informed about the disease, its symptoms and side effects, the easier it is for you to accept the effects of dealing with it.
   3. Be there, but not press
      It is a great help for the person concerned, if you are there for him, without pressing him. You show this for example by suggestions and suggestions, while at the same time you are extremely understanding when they encounter rejection:

      “We could go for a walk together. That’ll do us both good. Maybe some exercise will help you in the fresh air. I know you may not be able to do that and maybe you do not see any sense in it. Therefore, I am not angry or disappointed if you reject the proposal. But I would be happy if we just try it. Do we want to go for a walk together? “

      So you do not put pressure on your partner. You show him that you can empathize with how he feels. A rejection would not cause guilt in him or strengthen his own sense of incompetence.

   4. Do not lose weight
      It does not matter what it is all about – a depressed person neglects many tasks and often even himself. Even getting up in the morning can be difficult, let alone small matter of course like putting on clothes, brushing your teeth or eating something. All sorts of obligations and tasks in everyday life are sometimes out of the question. You can try to involve him in different tasks:

      “Do we want to wash the dishes together?”

      “Would you like to help me with the purchases?”

      “How about we cook something together?”

      If you encounter rejection, just do something for yourself. Make yourself a snack and let it taste you. Do not forget: the person opposite you is sick but quite mature. It is not your job to take everything away, and that is not necessary. That could only make him feel and reinforce the feeling of incompetence.

   5. 
      Look forward to success Imagine how depressed it may feel. It’s like a weak car battery. The vehicle must be pushed to start. As soon as it drives, the battery recharges – until it stops again for a while. Every activity is a success and every sense of achievement helps to recharge your own battery. Draw your partner’s attention to the fact that he has just achieved something, has won a small victory over depression. Show your joy and pride about it.
   6. Providing Hope
      Have you been fully informed about depression and how to deal with it, you know that it is treatable. There is every hope of someday overcoming them. Share this hope. It may rarely be appreciated by a person who is depressed. Still, it’s good to know that you believe in it and encourage you.
   7. Do not give up
      Depressed people therefore share their own joy over small successes and not necessarily mastered tasks. You may be grumpy pointed out that it is indeed actually a matter of course and sometimes everything was very simple. Maybe you will often be rejected and feel that way too. Keep reminding yourself that a depressed person often can not help with their illness. Your world is made up of self-doubt and the proximity of another person is sometimes hard to bear. That is not against you. It may be hard to keep this in mind. If you really want to help and hold on to the partnership, it is most effective to use any opportunity for affirmative confirmation and not to give it up.

Do not get yourself into a depressive mood

A depression burdened the partnership. She can push you to your limits. You yourself are not sick at all, but you understandably feel overwhelmed, sometimes drained. You want to do so much and do not fight against your partner’s illness.

It is especially important that you do not come too short. You are a person with needs and feelings. There is no reason that your life would not be worth living.

What can you do for yourself?

• Maintain your hobbies.
• Do something alone or with friends.
• Look for someone to talk to, to talk you about the burden of the soul.
• Surround yourself with people who are good for you.
• Do not let your own social contacts slip.
• Allow yourself to be happy and laugh.
• Take your own feelings seriously: You have a right to be angry or desperate!
• Enjoy your joy of life whenever there is a possibility.

Professional help for loved ones

It is understandable if you feel overwhelmed. But you do not stand there alone – that’s how many people deal with a depressive partner . In a self-help group, you can talk to other stakeholders. Many people in partnership with a narcissist or borderline take it as a first stop. That relieves you and you learn how others deal with the situation.

There are also contact points for relatives. You also have the option to seek psychological counseling or psychotherapy if the situation itself puts you at such a strain that you can not cope with it. Especially with partners who play with suicidal thoughts, loved ones are usually completely overwhelmed.

Conclusion: acceptance, strength and self-care

You are in a difficult situation. We fully understand the problems of dealing with depressed people and their resulting feelings. Nevertheless, depression is a mental illness and treatable. Acceptance as a psychological disorder helps you to take the concomitant less personally.

There are ways to deal with it, as well as contact points for you and the important people in your life. That requires strength and strength, but also self-care. You can not help anyone by drowning yourself. Maybe we could give you some valuable tips along the way.