Change unhappy relationship? That’s how it’s done!

According to the Federal Statistical Office , a happy partnership played a particularly important role in 2019 for more than 52 million people in Germany. However, the reality is often different, many people have an unhappy relationship and do not know what to do about it.

The most important finding is that both are always involved in determining whether a love relationship is ” unhappy or happy .” So, if you want change, then you should also look at yourself to see what contribution you make to the course of your relationship.

When is a relationship happy?

In the first days of falling in love, almost everyone will sign that the relationship is happy. We are sky high, enjoy every minute we spend with the loved one or the loved one, respect each other, are considerate and considerate, probably have great  consider the new human by our side the partner of our dreams.

Little by little, many partnerships are becoming habitual . The first magic vanishes and we get to know each other’s quirks.

This shift often decides how the partnership will continue and, unfortunately, we all too often find that great love has become an unfortunate relationship . This change takes place gradually and in small steps, so that we only realize after a while how much the relationship has changed.

If the partners manage to maintain closeness, contact and respect, they have laid the foundations for a contented and happy relationship. Instead of working against each other at some point, a coexistence arises. If friendship is added to love , it carries the relationship even in difficult times.

By and large, the following aspects are part of a happy relationship:

You…

1. complement each other and see your differences not as an obstacle, but as an enrichment of the relationship.
2. Accept and respect yourself, and also with your negative and difficult sides, your weaknesses and strengths.
3. leave room for freedom , cultivate both friendships outside of the relationship and be inspired by other people. The impulses that you receive when you do something independently of one another enliven your fellowship.
4. can laugh and have fun together. Humor and joy you share emphasize your similarities.
5. talk to each other. This also includes arguing. There will always be points and situations where you disagree with your partner. You hear each other’s arguments and do not personally take it when you refer to different positions.
6. be there for one another without giving up one another. Everybody needs comfort and it is soothing and a proof of love , to care for the other person, perhaps to do without something for themselves and to put one’s own wishes in the background.
7. stand by each other and be loyal , for example, when the other one quarrels with a third person. This also means that you do not expose your partner in front of other people and vice versa.

All these points make for a good partnership.

Do you feel unhappy, missing some of the above points or your connection is in many areas one-sided. Then it’s time to talk and listen.

Because often unfortunate relationships arise through carelessness and the fact that you do not openly tell each other what you need, what bothers or hurts you.

Only you have the responsibility for your happiness (in the relationship and also as a single)

Maybe you know that: we tend to blame other people or situations for being happy or unhappy. Unhappy relationships are often characterized by expectations.

You probably also know the idea:

” If he / she would not do this or that, I would be much happier! “

However, everyone is different and you are responsible for what happens in your life and how you make it.

If you feel unhappy in your relationship, then you should also look at yourself.

Maybe you have points where you demand something from your partner (s) that he / she can not afford at all. Maybe there are points of contention that you provoke yourself, because you want something from your better half that he / she does not want or can not fulfill.

Often ignite disputes on trifles such as the open toothpaste tube or the leftover socks.

In such situations, you have the choice: you can endlessly get upset and blame him / her over and over again, or you accept this as one of his / her quirks that does not really matter for your happiness.

The decision on how to absorb and evaluate something is entirely up to you.

Be yourself!

A common reason that makes unhappy relationships out of great love is that we bend for the sake of partnership and partner and are no longer ourselves.

Have you given up friendships and hobbies because he / she does not agree?
Do not you often say things because you do not want to cause a fight?
Have you changed your clothing style over time to appeal to your or your loved one’s best?

Does this or similar apply to you? Then it may be that you are no longer the person your partner has fallen in love with and that you yourself are no longer as appreciative as you used to be.

If you adapt yourself to your friend at the expense of yourself, you may no longer be authentic , lose your self-esteem and with it the respect and interest of your partner.

Most of these happen unconsciously, and they give rise to dissatisfaction and anger, which you then project onto him / her. Of course, the same applies vice versa.

Even though you may wish that he / she should be different so that you can be happy, your chosen one may have changed as well so that the person you were once more flaming is no longer sitting in front of you ,

If you do not really like yourself anymore, you usually have a hard time liking or loving others.

Have you realized that this applies to you, then get your life back! Meet friends, dress as you like, and follow your interests and goals. This will make you more genuine and stronger, giving your opponent the opportunity to clearly perceive you again.

This path can lead you out of the relationship and change the inner dynamics between you. This gives you both the chance to develop your relationship and bring back more momentum and thus happiness.

An unhappy relationship involves both partners

As much as you can blame your partner for the unhappiness of your relationship , he / she can not blame you for everything. A love relationship always goes both in equal parts.

If you want to change and improve your relationship, you should work together to find out where this sense of dissatisfaction and unhappiness comes from. Only then can you do something about it.

There are different ways to do that, based on talking to each other openly, without fear of hurting others or being hurt yourself. Consider the conversations as a way to pursue a common goal: to make your relationship happier.

Opportunities for more understanding in the relationship

If you understand that you do not want to continue your relationship as it is, you can offer your partner various suggestions on how to work together to make a difference.

1. The dialogue

   With this special kind of entertainment everybody gets a certain time in which he can talk undisturbed. The other person listens exclusively, without interrupting, and tries to record what he hears in the most neutral and understanding manner possible. Then you change.

   In the dialogue, you have the opportunity to express your wishes and needs and to talk about your feelings. Important in this form of conversation: Everyone only talks about themselves and not about the other. Your feelings are in the foreground.

2. See your partner as a friend

   Friendship is an important aspect of a happy partnership. So it can help if you also treat your loved one like a friend. Make friends like friends for common ventures and take your time, which only belongs to you and stays out of the everyday issues.

3. Find common interests

   For all their differences, you and your partner will certainly have common interests. This can be for example a hobby or the love of nature or dancing. Find out what both of you are equally excited about and take time to share that enthusiasm.

4. The couple’s advice

   If you can not find your way out of the unsatisfactory situation alone with your partner, you can get help. Couple therapists help you figure out the challenges in your relationship and identify ways to resolve them.

   If you or your partner do not want to undergo therapy, a couple seminar can also be an alternative. In the group you work on different topics, have positive experiences with each other and will find out that many other couples are just as much like you.

Why are you staying in an unhappy relationship?

So you can do a lot for the happiness in your relationship. What you will not achieve is that your partner will change for you if he / she does not want it yourself. Changes only come from within ourselves. It may well be that at some point you realize that your unhappy relationship can no longer be saved .

You stay anyway? There are many reasons why people stay together, even though they are unhappy.

Often it is the fear of being alone and not coping. If you have a life together or even common children, the step out of the relationship is often even harder.

But just this feeling of being trapped and dependent can make a relationship unhappy, because those who do not feel free are usually not authentic either. You try to behave in such a way that your current life plan persists – even if you and your partner make this condition unhappy.

If talking and any attempts to save your partnership are unsuccessful, you should still think carefully about whether you are not happier alone. Maybe he / she is doing the same and together you will find a solution to a mutual separation .