The #1 Reason Most Couples Divorce
The sentence is written correctly… Family relationship expert Kevin Thompson discusses what causes the collapse of most romantic relationships.
I am convinced that the main reason for all divorces is not infidelity, financial problems, or differences in character. All these are just symptoms of a much deeper problem. In my opinion, the main problem of love relationships is the unwillingness of their participants to invest something in the marriage. This topic can spark numerous discussions. Why do one or both spouses not want to invest in the marriage? Are they bored or out of love due to laziness?
Either way, numerous studies conducted on this topic prove that we can influence our feelings by deliberately investing more effort into them than usual.
We are likely all familiar with the phenomenon of deeply loving what we have received. If you have dreamed of a new car for 2 years and saved up for it, then your love for it will probably never subside. Relationships require care and courtship to keep the flame of love alive. We love everything that we spend our time, energy, and money on. Passion, interest, and affection will never arise for something that you got for free and without effort. Think about what this means for marriage. You will love your spouse more if you make an effort to live in harmony with him or her. The quality of your marriage is the result of the efforts you make. If you fight constantly and can’t stand each other, you probably are still in love. The problem is that you did not want to keep the flame of love alive.
However, this also implies that even if your feelings for your partner are diminishing, you can still salvage them. Every week I talk to spouses whose relationships have gone wrong. Usually after the first session I give everyone the same advice: on the way home, tell each other stories about your first date. Additionally, share what drew you to each other on that first date. It is also useful to remember what dreams you had together a few years ago.
It’s like archaeology. Sometimes you have to dig deep into your soul to find long-buried feelings and memories. Simple memories of your past greatness will restore your love and attraction.
But what if it’s much more complicated?
I suggest you repeat five simple procedures every day that can restore the love between you and your spouse.
1. Ask your spouse how his day went
You both need this. You must remind yourself daily that others are struggling. Show interest in his life. Be interested in what happens to him after he steps through the door.
2. Always kiss him when you meet and when you say goodbye.
Kissing is a powerful stimulus for physical and emotional connection between people. It also serves as a reminder that you are still husband and wife. Kiss your spouse when he leaves for work and when he returns from work. Make it a habit. Consider making it a routine habit.
3. Write to him
Ask your spouse how their day is going. They may be feeling particularly down right now. They require emotional support from someone who understands their situation.
Of course, a call may not always be appropriate. So don’t be shy about writing him a declaration of love via email. Or write to him on Skype.
4. Talk. Talk for at least five minutes every day.
Any relationship requires conversation. Is there no time during the day for conversation? Talk at least five minutes a day before bed. Or at breakfast: don’t chew in silence. Turn off the TV and hang up. Just talk to whoever you’re with right now.
It can be difficult, especially when you have kids who demand your constant attention. You must make time for your partner despite your busy schedule.
5. Hug. You should hug for at least 30 seconds once a day.
Before you leave for work, sit down at your desk or go to bed and cuddle with your spouse. Physical hugs force your soul and mind to connect deeply with another person.
Studies show that hugging lowers your blood pressure and also bonds you with the person you’re hugging. It even improves your memory! Physical touch isn’t just about sex.
Your marriage requires nothing more than the intention to fix it. In a happy family, both spouses realize how easily they can lose everything. It is not betrayal that destroys a marriage, but apathy.
