Relationship Advice: Why Love Isn’t Something You Find, It’s Something You Choose
Why love is not something you find but something you choose. If everyone understood the point of this article, there would be fewer broken hearts ☝️ . 
Falling in love, loving, and loving forever are separate states, but not separable from each other. Each stage is necessary for true love. If you remove one of them from the equation, the result will no longer be love.
That’s the problem. Why are some relationships doomed from the start, while others last for a very long time? Why do some relationships never end at all?
I would say that people just don’t understand the importance of each “stage” of love. You have to fall in love to love, and you have to love to commit your love completely to that one person—forever.
This is a natural development of events, and it will always be this way.
Most people believe that love must be found. I disagree. You must find someone worth loving. But love itself does not need to be found. Because it does not exist even when you meet the love of your life. It comes later.
It takes time to develop, strengthen, and maintain. Love does not come easily. And it is precisely the belief that love should be effortless that breaks people’s hearts. It is precisely because of this that relationships and marriages fall apart. It is precisely because of this that some people lose hope in love.
Ultimately, love is a decision. You have to consciously decide that you love a particular person, and you have to make that decision for the rest of your life together.
Love is not something you find; it’s something you choose. And I can prove it:
Stage 1: When you fall in love.
It is rare that we fall in love so much that we do not notice it. It is not Cupid’s arrow that suddenly pierces the heart. Usually, we think a lot about a person, about what their signals, words, and gestures mean, and gradually we fall in love with them. We think, and therefore we make a decision to allow ourselves to fall in love with this person.
Stage 2: When you love.
Love begins when the euphoria of the first stage, falling in love, passes. You still think about the person, care about him, and want to be with him all the time. But the intensity of feelings is not so strong.
These psychological and hormonal changes are what most often scare people. Many begin to doubt their feelings. They wonder if they are with the right person and if this is true love.
And then you decide whether to continue it or not. So love is again a choice.
Stage 3: When your love lasts for many years.
At this stage, you already understand that love is a choice. You have been through a lot but still decided to be together. If it were not for your choice and corresponding actions, there would be no love.
We are taught that love is supposed to make our lives easier. That we just need to find the right person, and we will be happy. But that is the problem.
If we were taught that love requires effort, that it requires conscious effort and commitment, then our hearts wouldn’t break so often.
Until you decide to love, until you choose love, you will never be happy.
