Therapists have uncovered 10 patterns of unhappy couples. Relationships are hard work. At first, everything may seem easy when you are passionate about each other. At first, love, romance, and connection between you seem to flow like water, but over time, these things can diminish to occasional displays of affection. Unhappy couples arise because they do not pay attention to the effort required to maintain love over the long term.
The easy solution to an unhappy or toxic relationship is to leave it, but many people don’t do this. This situation arises because deep down they either want to stay in the relationship or they don’t want to be alone. In many cases, a person’s innate need for connection is what keeps them in a bad partnership.
Whether you’re reading this to find out if someone in your life is in an unhealthy relationship, or if you’re reading this for yourself, these ten signs a therapist can help you identify unhappy couples.
1. Passive aggression becomes commonplace.
Unhappy couples have passive aggression down to a science. They don’t want to get into a full-blown argument, but they do want to get their point across. They want their loved one to feel that point of view. In many cases, the angry partner may not even be aware of the passive aggression.
Passive aggression comes in a certain degree or level. It can be mild, in which case it is easy to overlook. However, if it is severe, it can in any case lead to full-blown arguments that cause more unhappiness. Things get worse as the passive-aggressive behavior continues without resolution. It is common for unhappy couples to be aggressive about passive-aggressive behavior.
2. New experiences happen very rarely.
Remember when it seemed like you were constantly sharing something new with your partner? The thrill of shared, unique experiences kept the relationship alive and exciting. You were probably in love and loved it. The spontaneity of it made you excited because you never knew what was around the corner.
Unhappy couples may find that these new experiences no longer occur. One of the main reasons is that they probably don’t spend as much time together. Some of it is that the magic is hidden beneath resentment or depression. Either way, the lack of new experiences is one of the signs of unhappiness.
3. Unhappy couples often compare current behavior with past behavior.
Dreaming about what a partner was like in the past is a sign that someone is unhappy in their current relationship. Such desires mean that there is nothing new to focus on. The relationship has stalled, or worse. Your loved one has changed. It is not uncommon for both partners to reminisce about what the other person used to be like. When one partner changes, the other can often mirror their behavior. They may not be aware that they have changed, too. The worst thing is when a couple decides not to talk about what is missing. This miscommunication means that two unhappy people may have a hard time admitting that they are no longer happy.
4. The excitement in the relationship was replaced by routine.
Unhappy couples may find that their relationship is no longer exciting. Fun dates, secret get-togethers, spontaneous trips, passionate sex, or even unique gifts are replaced by work, kids, housework, or other boring life activities. Worse, drugs or alcohol may have taken their place. For couples in troubled relationships, it can be difficult to bring excitement into a relationship they are not excited about. The spark is simply not there. Doing things that were once exciting may now feel like a chore. It is difficult to return to a relationship that keeps you going once you reach this point, but it is not impossible. Both parties must be willing to put their differences aside and try.
5. Dates disappeared.
Dating is an essential part of any relationship. It is a way for couples to connect, build friendships, and keep the fire burning in their relationship. A date does not have to be a big event. As long as a couple spends time alone with each other, it is an ideal connection.
When couples no longer go on dates, you can be sure that one or both parties are unhappy. Diana Grande, a licensed clinical psychologist, wrote, “When there is a strong resistance to scheduling time as a couple, I begin to wonder if both partners are avoiding spending time alone together.” If this is a long-standing pattern, it’s worth considering whether one or both of you has a fear of emotional intimacy and how to address that fear by always including other friends or family in your free time. If the date night has disappeared from the relationship, it’s a clear sign that something is wrong.
6. There are often disagreements about who is right and who is wrong.
One of the most obvious signs of unhappiness is constant disagreements or arguments. It could be about something as big as an accusation of cheating or something as small as whose turn it is to do the dishes. When someone is in an unhappy relationship , everything can get on their nerves.
Many disagreements occur because unhappy couples don’t communicate what they need. This dissatisfaction can be the source of unhappiness—a lack of communication. When communication breaks down, neither party expresses what they want or need from the relationship. This result can lead to resentment, anger, and frustration, all of which contribute to unhappiness.
7. Unhappy couples often don’t know where their other half is.
People don’t need to know their partner’s schedule minute by minute, but they should have some general idea of where their partner is during the day. That’s because happy couples are interested in each other’s lives. In fact, happy couples probably text each other about exciting things during their days, which lets them know where they are.
You have couples who seem to have no idea where their partner is. They may also change the topic to one that is as far away from their significant other as possible. This is a clear indicator of an unhappy couple.
8. Flirting and touching are a thing of the past
Sometimes couples can become so used to each other that they feel like they don’t have to work hard to keep each other. This means that little things like soft whispers in each other’s ears, playful touches, and flirting no longer happen. On its own, this may just be a sign of a relationship that needs refreshing, but when combined with other symptoms, you can bet the couple is unhappy.
This is especially noticeable if they do not touch each other at all. The lack of hugs and kisses speaks volumes. They may even go out of their way to avoid touching each other. This is a sign of serious problems in the relationship.
9. They have no common topics of conversation.
Healthy, happy couples talk about everything. They love to talk to each other because they are friends and lovers. Conversations often become intense and intellectual when couples are well matched. It’s like they are on the same wavelength.
That’s why it would be strange if they didn’t have meaningful conversations. One-line and monosyllabic responses indicate tension between them. There may even be a lack of eye contact when they talk to each other. This means there are things that need to be said but are being held back. These suppressed feelings and expressions can lead to great unhappiness.
10. They are always on their phones in each other’s presence.
Have you ever tried to talk to someone who is always on their phone? You quickly feel like they are not paying any attention to you, mostly because they are not even looking at you. In most cases, this is exactly what happens.
Couples who are always on their phones when they are around each other simply do not pay any attention to each other. This may be because they have lost interest in each other or, as mentioned in the previous case, they are avoiding each other. Either way, paying more attention to social media than other loved ones is a clear sign of unhappy couples.
No matter how much they may try to hide it, unhappy couples are obvious. Interestingly, unhappy couples will stick together and not try to fix what is weighing them down. Sometimes they may not even realize how unhappy they are.
Some couples are so used to living this way that they don’t even notice the signs, no matter how obvious they are. Whether you’re reading this article for a friend or trying to figure out if you’re unhappy in your relationship, these ten signs will tell you what’s going on.
