Relationship Advice: Ten Stupid Mistakes Women Make to Ruin Their Lives
Ten stupid mistakes women make to ruin their lives. American psychologist Laura Schlesinger has her own radio program. People call her to ask for advice, ask a question about love, or just cry into the phone.After analyzing the complaints of these women who are forced to ask the radio for advice, Laura decided to write down her impressions and thoughts in a book. This is how ” Ten Stupid Mistakes Women Make to Ruin Their Lives ” appeared.
Don’t look at yourself through the prism of men
Mistake number one. Foolish attachment.
It is sad, but the success of any woman is still assessed by such a factor as “does she have someone?” Of the opposite sex, of course. And the poor things consider themselves and their role in life only through the prism of a relationship with a man. And what kind of man it is often does not matter. How wrong this is! And how wrong are those who live with an alcoholic, a tyrant, a jealous person, a walking reproach, or a drug addict who betray, lie, or behave impudently or indifferently? How often do women, fearing that they will not be able to find anyone else, marry the first person they meet, proving their worth to society?
Advice . No, this is not completeness. Those who are supposedly “unlucky” with their husband or in love themselves contributed to this. Therefore, raise your self-esteem and do not humiliate yourself with unworthy relationships and marriages. We must learn from men to be brave, persistent, and self-confident.
We are not Cinderellas
Mistake two. Stupid courtship.
Millions of Cinderellas around the world sadly look out the dirty windows of their little rooms, and the prince is still nowhere to be found… But what a cute, dirty gardener is uprooting stumps in the neighboring garden!
- If you lack confirmation that your behavior is correct,.
- If you tend to say ” thank you ” to anyone who pays attention to you.
- If you are content with what is offered to you rather than choosing what suits you personally.
- If, when meeting a man, you are ready to shout to yourself: “ Hooray, I’m not alone anymore !” – you are most likely making the wrong choice.
Engaging with someone solely to alleviate loneliness is a form of escape from reality. The issue is not that a woman expects too much from her chosen one, but that she expects nothing from herself.
Don’t assume that men lack emotional intelligence, unable to distinguish between moments of need and moments of desperate attempts to bond. Don’t be surprised if they feel like they’ve become a bandage for a wound, a shoulder for tears, or a trigger for hysterics. Men come into our lives to share them, not to replace them.
Advice : Choose who you date yourself, and don’t wait for someone to choose you. Don’t settle for something that just happened to be lying around in your life. Get through the inevitable period of loneliness by keeping your mind and heart occupied—find a hobby, meet friends—until you find someone worthy of you.
Don’t kiss the toad
Mistake number three: Foolish devotion.
If a woman repeats “I love him!” at every turn, she is usually lying to those around her. And to herself, of course. These women do not want to admit that they have found themselves in a situation of obvious defeat. Often, they gratefully (!) endure such behavior or attitude towards themselves that no man would tolerate for even five minutes.
Strangely, for many women, love transcends rationality, a behavior often depicted in fairy tales, where they fall in love with a beast and, with their noses tucked in, search for fleas in his messy fur.
Have you ever noticed the disgusting double standards of society? Women agree to ignore balding heads, bellies rounded from beer, checkered shirts with polka-dot ties… But any man, sharing his impressions of a new acquaintance, will tell his friend, “She’s not bad, but her legs are fat.” Why do we put up with this and not make our own choices, not treat men critically, and call everything love? We have never gained self-confidence.
While you are saying “I love him” at every corner, you think to yourself:
- I will never find anyone else who will tolerate me.
- I don’t want to be alone.
- It’s better than nothing.
- This is better than it was.
- I’m already 19 (29, 39, 49, 59).
- I doubt I’ll find anything better.
- Sometimes things aren’t so bad.
- In any case, I have no other choice.
- I feel like he needs me.
- I am afraid of facing the unknown.
- Everything is not as bad as it seems to others.
- It’s hard to find someone with whom it will be easy and joyful.
Advice . Remember that if you kiss a toad, it will not necessarily turn into a prince. It will leave a disgusting taste in your mouth and nasty memories in your head. Do not mix feelings associated with good relationships—your fantasies, book promises, sex—within. Feelings distort reality; use your mind when evaluating your men. And there will be no true love until you learn to love yourself. Act! You deserve the best.
This cannot be discussed.
Mistake number four. Stupid passion.
It is obvious that men and women have different attitudes towards sex. Women perceive it too romantically, believe that “simple movements” impose some obligations on men, believe that they sacrifice themselves, and often demand reciprocal sacrifices.
In everything that concerns this side of the relationship, it is better to slow down than to rush. Let the “appleripen.”, Have time to evaluate the consequences of your step. Intimacy and sexual intimacy are very different things. Intimacy is when you can talk to your friend about everything. Therefore, never do something that you will not be able to talk to him about later.
Advice : No matter how old you are, sex cannot be a measure of your value or the value of your relationship with a man. Hasty sex leads to you reproaching yourself even more, leading to even greater despair and a feeling of terrifying loneliness.
The cat is still in the bag
Mistake number five. Stupid cohabitation.
We’ve all heard countless times that it’s preferable to live together prior to marriage in order to get to know each other better, rather than facing challenges after an official marriage. However, the “pig” is still there. According to statistics, the divorce rate among those who lived together before marriage, compared to those who immediately went down the aisle, is much higher!
The whole point is why a woman agrees to cohabitation outside of marriage. It’s a form of surrender: the man fears “official” responsibilities, and she chooses to compromise. The woman settles down with him not to find out what he is really like but to find stability in the relationship, to keep him.
When he thinks, “I need to see if I feel good all the time, day after day,” she says, “I need to be very attentive so that he feels good day after day.” It is clear that such an attitude will not work for years because both thoughts are utopias.
Advice : To make a man respect you, never lower the bar of your demands. If he can’t rise to the level you need, it’s better to break up with him.
What have you gotten yourself into?
Mistake number six. Foolish expectations.
Think for yourself: how easily are you re-educated in your… somethingyear? And so is he. When you are getting married, do not hope that he will change only under your precious influence. Instead of the thought “I can fix him,” you should be dominated by “What am I getting myself into?”
It often happens that the qualities that attracted you so much in your fiancé become disgusting later. The secret of this is that we unconsciously look for our father’s traits in our chosen one; we want to relive traumatic events from the past or protect ourselves from the insults inflicted on us at one time. But the chosen one still turns out to be different! And then you start to hate him. Although, in reality, you hate yourself.
Advice : If you got married to protect yourself from childhood hurts, end it as soon as possible. It is impossible to replay the past. If you are married and hate your husband, look inside yourself first to find the source of your hatred. If you do not find the reason for your suffering, you will continue to get married, hate, and believe that all men are inferior.
Use your body correctly
Mistake number seven. A stupid idea.
Not love. Not “that moment in life.” Not “everyone expects this from me.” Not proof of “I can do it too.” Not “I’ll make him marry me.” Not whatelse can I do?” And nothing else can be a reason to have a child. Only this: you have the interest, the ability, and the means to give the child everything he needs: love, protection, material benefits.
None of your needs matter. Only the child’s needs matter. After all, he will have to pay for all your problems and mistakes. The woman is always the main one here. Of course, the man is also responsible, but your body belongs only to you!
Advice : Think carefully about when and with whom you want to get pregnant.
Don’t let children be bullied
Mistake number eight. Associated stupidities.
It is terrible when women act against their maternal instinct. Even in the wild, there is no creature more fierce than a female protecting her cubs. But in humans… Sometimes women allow their children to be, give them to others to raise (just so that the husband does not run away). And one couple even sold their “untimely” child to start a business.
Advice : Remember that children will not forgive you if you do not protect them. Do not allow anyone to harm your children, and do not sacrifice the little ones for the sake of a man’s happiness or imaginary affection.
Don’t be afraid to stomp your feet
Mistake number nine. Stupid helplessness.
Little girls often get angry when things don’t go their way. But where does that anger go when they grow up? Women get offended, cry, suffer, get depressed just becaused are afraid to show anger, afraid to offend and anger others.
Depression is nothing more than passively experiencing a situation, while an active, short-term outburst of anger could well solve the problem and set boundaries that your offender has no right to cross.
Stop pushing anger deep inside yourself (by the way, it has been proven that this causes illness).
Advice : There are painful moments in life, and overcoming that pain is the price you pay to develop character. You, like everyone else, have the privilege, the right, and the opportunity to be an individual. This does not mean jumping on others with your hooves; it does mean including yourself in the equation, but not as a remainder, not as a by-product of a calculation! Don’t stay with people who abuse you.
Your own swamp is no better
Mistake number ten. Stupid forgiveness.
Women possess exceptional patience. They can come up with a million excuses just to not break off relations with a man who is unworthy of them. How often do we think that a familiar swamp is better than a swamp we know nothing about? ut? ut. We repeat to ourselves, “If I leave, I will become unhappy.” Yes, maybe that’s true. But at least you will have the opportunity to build your own happiness, which you are deprived of with “your swamp.”
Advice : Don’t live by the principle, “How can I change this without touching it?” Look inside yourself—there, inside, you should find courage, inindependence,nd initiative. Be realistic! Youindependence, andoice!
The Secret of Feminine Charm
It is known that women laugh much more than men. Especially in mixed companies. It seems that men like to make others laugh more than to laugh themselves, and this asymmetry is observed from childhood. Remember who was the number one clown in your class—probably a boy. But isn’t the difference? Is male and female laughter a significant factor in creating a harmonious union?
German psychologists observed women’s reactions when talking to unfamiliar men and then interviewed both. It turns out that the more a woman laughs, the more interest she feels in her interlocutor. And men also enjoy women’s laughter more. An indicator of healthy, harmonious relationships in a couple is female, not male, laughter. Men may laugh or not laugh, but if there is no female laughter in the family, things are bad.
