Relationship Advice: My 4 Biggest Mistakes as a (Now Ex) Wife
My 4 Biggest Mistakes as a (now ex) Wife. I’m horrified to realize how long I buried my head in the sand, and I don’t want anyone to repeat my mistakes. 
He was the type to cheat and lie. However, I now realize that my behavior back then could not go unpunished. Every time I pointed out his mistakes with confidence that I was right, I destroyed our ten-year marriage.
But he lied and didn’t even bat an eyelid. He closed himself off from me much earlier, preferring to bury himself in work up to his ears, just so as not to relive what happened at home.
I immediately turned his every misdeed into a reason for the collapse, feeling sorry for myself—the poor, soft, selfless, and long-suffering wife. This continued until my psychotherapist called me in for a talk and made me look at everything under a microscope. It turned out that everything was completely unsightly. And here are my main mistakes.
1. For me, children came first
Loving your children is not difficult at all; it requires minimal effort. Marriage is something entirely else. Marriage is work. As soon as this work appeared on my horizon, I immediately ran off to launch a railway, build a construction set, or read books. When I knew that my husband would not be able to go somewhere with me, I began planning a trip with the children.
I consoled myself with the fact that he chose work anyway and was always unhappy with the rare family outings. I chose to lie in bed with the kids and nag him about the late hours. As a result, we were rarely alone and did not spend nights without the kids. Well, maybe once a year for an anniversary.
2. I didn’t set boundaries for my parents.
They would come to our house by chance, often without warning us, help us do things that no one asked them to do, and go on vacation with us. They raised and disciplined the children. I was afraid to say “no” to them, worried that they would be offended. In short, it seemed that my husband had married my entire family along with me.
3. I humiliated him
I always believed that love is honesty, but we know how the truth can hurt. When we got used to each other (read: lazy) in terms of relationships, I stopped trying, as they say, to “take out the sting” and simply switched to gossiping with my mother, friends, and colleagues.
Instead of helping him restore his manhood, I openly trampled on him. I belittled him, his friends, and his work, calling it useless.
I found fault with how he did “this” or “that” without even thinking about the fact that all the fault was in doing everything “not my way.” I talked to him like a child, controlled his finances, and gnawed at every penny.
Even in bed, I wasn’t shy about finding fault. By the end of our marriage, I had zero respect for my husband, and I tried to remind him of that every day.
4. I didn’t try to learn how to fight him differently.
You might think that the word “fight” is inappropriate here. But the thing is, I just kept quiet when I was unhappy with something, and then when the lump grew to gigantic proportions, I hit like Hurricane Katrina.
After yet another domestic “catastrophe,” I told myself, “It’s okay; a woman can’t put up with all this.” Now, looking back, I realize that I behaved like a real bitch.
I didn’t write all this out of a desire to get my husband back or to be forgiven. I just realized with horror how long my head was buried in the sand, and I didn’t want anyone to repeat my mistakes.
Although I am offended that my husband went to bed with another woman to escape our family problems, I see that in many ways I pushed him there. The family should be a stronghold of patience, understanding, and tenderness, not quarrels, skirmishes, and scandals!
These were my 4 biggest mistakes as a wife. Leave your comments about what you think about this.
