10 Things Happy Couples Do To Strengthen Their Relationship Every Night Falling in love is easy, but relationships take work. Most people and couples can agree on this statement. There is no set formula to determine whether a relationship will last or whether the person you are in love with will be “ the one ” you spend the rest of your life with. While there are certain traits that happy couples have, there are also certain rituals that couples do to maintain that happiness.
Traits of happy couples
A 2019 survey by E-Harmony found that 83% of couples are happy together. The survey also noted that the happiest couples were those who were very similar to each other. These are the same traits they shared:
- Similar personality traits
- Similar political views
- Both were looking for a meaningful relationship from the start.
- Faithful to each other / monogamous
- Similar education
- One of the partners does not dominate the other.
- Typically belong to the Millennial or Gen Z age groups
- Maintain good health
- Have up to 2 children
According to a 2007 Pew Research study, factors that make a marriage work include:
- loyalty
- Healthy and happy intimacy
- Sharing housework
- Good income
- A decent home to live in
- Same or similar religious beliefs
- Common interests
- Children
- Same or similar political views
What was interesting was when the 2007 survey was compared to the 1990 study; certain elements showed a certain shift.
- The desire to have children to help a relationship has declined over the years. From 1990 to 2007, it dropped 27 points.
- The importance of shared responsibility in housework increased by 15 points from 1990 to 2007.
Traits That Can Ruin a Relationship
On the opposite side of the spectrum, certain traits can be the death knell of even the best relationships. In a PsychBlog article, Professor John Gottman is credited with identifying these very traits from his 40 years of analysis of all types of relationships.
According to the article, he identified 4 different behaviors:
1. Criticism
Repeatedly criticizing another person as if they are somehow “less than” or lacking in some way. The type of criticism he is talking about is criticism that isolates a personal trait of a person, as opposed to pointing out a habit that could use some modification.
For example: Saying to someone, “You’re always on the phone, so you never listen to me.” It may be a legitimate complaint that one person has to hang up when the other is trying to communicate. It doesn’t necessarily indicate that they will never be emotionally available to the other.
2. Contempt
Contempt can be shown in a variety of ways. Mocking the other person’s interests, calling them names, imitating them, being overly sarcastic in your opinions or expressing your emotions. Professor Gottman reportedly claimed that this trait almost always led to divorce .
3. Mandatory.
Being defensive is often a sign of not taking responsibility and making excuses for mistakes. It is even worse if that defensiveness includes pointing out the other person’s mistakes without seeing your own. Relationships require teamwork, cooperation, and partnership. If one party justifies their behavior by pointing the finger at the other, there is no unity in making the relationship work.
4. Silence
Once communication or any form of recognition of the other person ceases, the relationship freezes and virtually ceases. Communication and the desire to communicate are the foundation of a relationship. Without it, there can be no progress.
1. Relive a funny event that happened to them in the past
A 2006 study found that couples who reminisce about a funny situation in the past report higher relationship satisfaction that goes beyond the simple mood boost that comes from laughing. As part of the study, previous research shows that couples who laugh together, where each party makes jokes throughout the day, were among the top three reasons they were satisfied in their marriage .
2. Participation in the ritual of preparing for sleep
Things people typically do before bed include brushing their teeth, folding their clothes for the morning, showering, shaving, and taking off their makeup. Happy couples tend to do one or two of these at the same time while the other does their thing.
3. Share with each other.
Sometimes couples don’t have time to tell each other much about their day before they go to bed. There may be kids to take care of, dinner to cook, laundry to do, or other commitments. Making a genuine effort to connect with your partner and talk about your day can relieve stress and make their work world seem less distant.
4. Keep arguments or heated discussions out of the bedroom.
The bedroom should be your sanctuary away from everyday life, a place where you both know you can come together and just be with each other. Arguments should not only be resolved before bed but also resolved outside the bedroom so you can be together in a safe place.
5. Do something simple that shows attention to your partner.
It’s really the little things in life that can show someone that they are special, important, and loved. Make coffee, pack lunch for work the next day, fill the humidifier, and put away the toothbrush or shaving equipment. Choosing something that will make the other party’s life just a little bit easier shows great thoughtfulness.
6. Happy couples kiss or hug goodnight.
Whether or not sex happens that night, physical touch is essential to maintaining intimacy and love. It is the only nonverbal cue to connect with another person.
7. Share child-rearing responsibilities
Depending on your partner’s work schedule, they may not be able to put the kids to bed. Giving your other partner a break to do something for themselves shows compassion, understanding, and sharing of responsibility.
8. Kissing on the forehead
When one partner is already asleep by the time the other can go to bed, a forehead kiss is a very nice expression of affection. It demonstrates deep care, affection, and a desire for communication.
9. Encouraging actions
If you and your partner don’t go to bed at the same time, maybe just to surprise them, write them a little note of encouragement with love. Show them that you see how hard they work, how much you appreciate them, wish them luck before a big meeting the next day, etc.
10. Give a compliment
Everyone needs to hear that they are appreciated, that they look very attractive, that they are supported, and that they are constantly supported. Make compliments lightly.
These were 10 things that happy couples do to strengthen their relationship every night:
Relationships can be hard work, but that doesn’t mean they can’t also include humor, positivity, support, love, affection, intimacy, connection, and more. There are many different ways to show your partner these things. Do a few little things every now and then to keep your relationship from getting stale. These 10 things happy couples do to strengthen their relationship every night might give you some ideas!
