Failed Relationships: 12 Life Lessons to LearnNot all relationships last forever, but you can learn a lot of life lessons from failed relationships. Sometimes we have to date certain people to learn important lessons; often the wrong relationship eventually leads us to the right person.
1. Rethinking hurt.
At the end of a relationship, you may want to reflect on every situation and conversation so you can try to figure out what went wrong. Of course, to some extent, this is natural—when things go wrong in life, we want to analyze it to learn from it. However, too much analysis and overthinking just lead to misery since you can never go back and change what happened.
While you should try to learn from what happened, you shouldn’t dwell on the past. Feel your emotions, talk about them with friends and family, and then allow yourself to move on. You’ll only hurt yourself more if you dwell on what went wrong in a failed relationship.
2. Learn to become your own best friend.
Sometimes in relationships, we forget to love ourselves as much as we love our partner. Then, when they leave, all our self-esteem and happiness go with them. If you don’t show yourself love, you will depend on someone else to give it to you. However, relying on someone else to accept you means you will never feel fully satisfied.
If you don’t feel complete within yourself, you will need constant validation from your partner or others. At the end of a relationship, ask yourself how much you relied on your partner for your self-worth. If you feel empty without them, this is a great opportunity to dive deep within and heal any wounds from the past. Once you become your own best friend, you will have even more love for your next relationship, and you will also feel more complete.
3. Failed relationships can teach us forgiveness.
If you felt unappreciated or unloved in your last relationship, you may want to get back at your ex or blame them for everything that went wrong. However, holding on to resentment will only lead to more stress in your life. Building up feelings can cause physical health problems. A 2013 study from the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester found that people who bottled up their feelings had a 30% higher risk of all-cause mortality and a 70% higher risk of being diagnosed with cancer.
So, instead of wishing harm on your ex or trying to blame them for your failed relationship, try to forgive them. You will find that you feel much better when you accept what happened and choose to forgive your mistakes.
4. Healing takes time.
You will experience many different emotions after a breakup. People typically experience the following emotions in no particular order:
- гнев
- shock
- sadness/depression
- emptiness
- loneliness
- relief
- acceptance
- волнение
You may go through several cycles of these emotions before things feel normal again. Just remember to give yourself time and space to heal from the relationship. Some days you will feel like you have moved on, and others you will feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. Just know that healing does not happen overnight and that your feelings are completely valid.
Partners.
After a breakup with a loved one, you will likely get rid of all reminders of your relationship, such as old photos or souvenirs. However, the memories will remain and will tempt you to return to them in those moments when you are alone. If the relationship does not work out, returning to it will only create the same problems you faced before. In other words, put the past behind you and remember that you are done with it. Wish your ex well and be grateful for the time you spent with them.
6. Cherish the good memories and what you learned during the relationship.
While you can dwell on the negative qualities of this person and why you feel so much better without them, this will only lead to resentment. Try to think about the good times you shared with your ex. Just because someone is no longer in our lives does not mean we should paint them in a negative light.
Focusing on someone’s bad qualities will only bring you down. However, if you can talk about your ex in a mature, respectful way, it shows that you’ve moved on and appreciate what you learned from your time with them.
7. Don’t try to numb the pain.
At the end of a bad relationship, many people turn to drugs, alcohol, or other unhealthy habits to cope with the pain. Or you may be so busy that you don’t have time to deal with your feelings. These unhealthy coping mechanisms won’t work for long because eventually,, you will have to face your feelings. You have to give yourself time to process your emotions.
8. Use this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself.
In relationships, many people feel like they are losing themselves because they spend so much time with their partner. Hobbies and even personalities can overlap until you don’t know where you end and your partner begins.
Healthy relationships have clear boundaries, but some relationship partners experience confusion and codependency. In this case, the healing process will take longer because you will feel like you need to find yourself again.
Whether the relationship ended on good or bad terms, you can use your newfound freedom to your advantage. Find out what you enjoy and what makes you happy without relying on anyone else. Create your own joy in life and pursue hobbies that interest you.
9. Positivity will help you in your recovery.
In a study of post-breakup emotional distress, researchers examined participants’ positive and negative emotions about a failed relationship. They asked participants how often they thought about the relationship, depression, loss of self-esteem, rediscovery of self-esteem, negative emotional adjustment, and positive emotional adjustment.
The researchers found that participants recovered better if they felt positive emotions about the breakup, such as whether they were happy, satisfied, or relieved. Optimistic thinkers were less likely to dwell on the relationship, less worried about being single, and less likely to regret it.
10. Take the positives from the relationship and apply them to your next relationship.
What was it like in your last relationship? What qualities did you learn about yourself that could help your future partner feel more loved, whole, or accepted? Make sure you take the time to reflect on what qualities you brought to your previous relationships that made them more fulfilling. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t learn from the positives.
11. Failed relationships can show you where you need to work on yourself.
Think about what you could improve about yourself in your next relationship. Have you been too grumpy, overly expecting, or holding grudges? Have you been too silent rather than communicating? Think about how you can work on yourself to be a better person, not only for yourself but for your future partner as well.
12. Life does not always turn out the way we plan it.
Perhaps one of the most important lessons to learn from a failed relationship is that life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect it to. The solution? No expectations. Just enjoy life and learn from every person you meet; they all have something to teach you or learn from you.
Not everyone can stay in our lives forever; not every person is destined to be. Some people come and go, but they all have lessons to teach us. From failed relationships, we can learn important things like forgiveness, how to become your own best friend, and how to simply ride the waves of life.
If you’ve recently gotten out of a relationship, we hope these life lessons will help change your perspective and remind you that just because a relationship failed doesn’t mean it was all your fault. You learned something new, and that’s a good thing!
