Divorce? 5 Questions to Ask Before Ending Your Marriage. If you and your partner are considering ending your marriage, it can be difficult to know whether you are making the right decision or not. There are several questions to ask before you get divorced. First, it is important to look at the big picture of what led you to the point where you are considering divorce.
“Sometimes people end a relationship and start another, only to find the same problems in the next relationship,” says Dr. Annie Hsueh, MD, a licensed clinical psychologist in Southern California who specializes in therapy.
“There are people who, no matter what relationship they’re in, have the same problems over and over again,” she says. “It’s possible that divorce won’t solve all your problems.” Ask yourself if the main problem in your marriage is one you’ve struggled with in the past.
Of course, if you’re in danger, it might not be worth trying to delay your divorce. But if you’re safe and in a position to think about whether ending your marriage is the best option, it might be helpful to think more.
1. Is there a way to avoid this?
If you are in a difficult situation with your partner, ending your marriage may seem like the ideal solution to your problems. But before making such a big decision, it is important to consider whether you have exhausted all of your options for reaching an agreement.
“Before you get divorced, you need to ask yourself if you are 100 percent sure you want a divorce,” divorce attorney Kari H. Lichtenstein says. “Divorce is not an easy process, and before you go down that path, ask yourself if there is any way to work on the issues in your marriage,” she says.
2. Do I know how to get a divorce?
If you’ve never personally gone through a divorce, you probably don’t understand everything that the process entails. So before you begin, ask yourself if you understand exactly what’s going to happen.
Consult with someone who has experience in this matter. If you and your partner have decided to divorce, think about whether you are prepared for what may happen.
3. What would our ideal relationship look like?
If you are taking the time to consider divorce, it is worth thinking seriously about what you and your partner want your relationship to be like.
There are many reasons why you might want a divorce, but a very common one is that you no longer want to communicate with your spouse. “This question allows both people to figure out what they want out of their marriage.”
“Spouses can think about what they need and want individually and as a couple.” Discussing this issue can spark both of you to create a “new marriage” for yourself, so to speak.
4. Why do we have problems?
While it’s easy to point out all the problems you and your partner are having in your marriage, the question that isn’t so obvious is, “Why are we having problems?”
But asking yourself this simple question can make a huge difference. “When we ask ourselves (and our partner) why we suffer, we go deeper and usually uncover the real reasons why we suffer.
“When we ask ourselves why we are suffering, we take responsibility for how we feel. Taking the time to figure out what is causing your fights can be the starting point for resolving the problems in your marriage.
5. What are all the possible solutions?
You and your partner may decide that divorce is the best option for you, but before you embark on that lengthy process, it’s certainly worth discussing any last-ditch efforts you can make to reach a compromise that works for both of you.
“Try to be creative about what you can try.” If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas, think about all the things you’ve tried to make your marriage stronger. If something worked in the past, even a little bit, see if there’s a way to fix it and try again.
These were 5 questions to ask before ending a marriage. After much thought, you may decide that divorce is truly the best thing for you and your partner. But at least you will know that you have exhausted all your options.
