Love Advice: I love you for who I am next to you
The most correct thing that can be for building any relationship…
The most correct thing that can be for building any relationship is to pay less attention to what a person is like, and listen more to what you feel next to him. This beautiful saying is spreading on social media: “I love you not for what you are, but for what I am next to you.” I think it belongs to Marquez Garcia.
But there is enormous wisdom in this thought. If you are not a flat personality with one or two obvious characteristics but a person who constantly develops himself and expands his personal boundaries, then over time, you become like a three-dimensional polyhedron.
There are several archetypes that you can alternate or include in different situations, several roles that you consciously play depending on the environment, several talents that you cultivate in yourself, and numerous qualities ranging from the darkest to the brightest and highest.
You know this theory that each of us is a mirror of the other? So it turns out that if a person sees a facet in you that seems unworthy to him, requiring correction, then it is precisely this facet that is most active in him. You may not find it particularly appealing, and from his perspective, it can be a constant reminder of your imperfections.
And you want to brush it off, protect yourself, and hide. You want to distance yourself from the person, from his words, and from his perception of you. You understand that this quality is also yours, and let it be in you. After all, there is much more in you that can be appreciated and loved.
And some people see you as you are dear to yourself. They extol and cherish it, perhaps because they themselves have similar qualities. You grow by adopting their perception of you. You relax because you do not have to fight with yourself. You multiply what is already beneficial and can be even better. And these people evoke your sympathy and boundless gratitude.
In one of the episodes of the film “Gone Girl,” the main character, forced, as a mother, to make remarks to her husband, says to him, “Why are you doing this to me? I don’t want to be a bitch, a slut; I don’t like myself like that. Why are you doing this to me?” This also pertains to the notion that while someone may highlight your positive traits, they may also expose the negative aspects within you.
You can read a lot of books, take even more training, work with people, and think that you have finally learned to understand people. Perhaps the most effective approach to building any relationship is to focus less on a person’s characteristics and more on how you feel in their presence.
You need to track your first thoughts and impressions, even if you have become deaf and blind from the charm that draws you into the net. You will most likely confirm them in the distant or not-so-distant future. You should note your bodily sensations of comfort and discomfort: the body does not lie. If you want to run away right away, run. Possibly let yourself dissolve and relax in another’s field.
In general, if you hear reproaches that you are not gentle enough and not feminine enough, then maybe the problem is not in you at all. Most likely, the person standing next to you is reflecting this aspect of your personality. Of course, you can be like this; you can be different in principle.
You have inner strength and can defend yourself and make decisions. But why, if no one attacks and demands that you match their idea of you? In a word, it is worth choosing as friends, partners, and lovers those whose vision of you you like. This way, there will definitely be more happiness in life.
