7 reasons why a woman does not want to ask a man for help. And they are not groundless! Many women are in no hurry to ask men for help. If you ask why, the answers will most likely be: it is useless to ask, he will not do it, he will forget, he will refuse, and it is faster to do it yourself. Women’s beliefs that men do not want to help are not groundless. But if you are one of those who do not give up but try to understand yourself, your man, and the situation, I suggest you understand the reasons, writes Natalia Prokofieva.
7 Reasons Why a Woman Doesn’t Want to Ask a Man for Help.WHY Women Don’t Want to Ask for Help
I’m sure at least one of them will make you reconsider your views on this issue, and you will be able to transform your relationship.
1. Misinterpretation of a man’s actions
There are often situations in everyday life when a woman turns to her husband for help, but he seems not to hear. She perceives his silence as a refusal and does everything herself. If this happens regularly, the woman begins to have complaints about her husband; she gets offended and thinks that he does not love her. You need to ask a man several times until he reacts.
According to Mark Gungor (American pastor, and author of the book “Laughter is the Best Assistant in Marriage”), men are single-channel. If at the moment of the request, they are busy with some thought process or other action, they will NOT hear your request. And you will regard this as ignoring.
What to do?
Make sure your husband hears you, and then ask him. Sometimes you have to ask more than once and wait for an answer. We women are not used to asking for the same thing several times. It takes time; sometimes it is easier to do it yourself than to ask. But if you do try to follow this advice, you will find that your man did not intend to ignore you; he just did not hear or was busy.
2. Refusal to believe that a man will help
If a woman grew up in a family where the father did not help the mother, she will be convinced that the man is in principle incapable of helping, and asking him is useless. She transfers this model of relationships to her family. By default, she, like the mother, has complaints about the man: “He does not help, he is lazy, I have to do everything myself.”
And the man can only be a mirror—confirm her beliefs.
But there are different relationships. There are those where a man is happy to do anything for the sake of his beloved woman. Surely your man is tired of playing the role of a “lazy” and stubborn person and is waiting for you to allow him to show his best qualities.
3. The desire to do everything perfectly
Often women don’t want to ask men for help because they know that they’ll have to redo it anyway. You can’t please them. Their actions are driven by perfectionism, which dictates that everything needs to be done perfectly, and anything less is not enough. I’ll tell you a secret; my mother thinks so. She’s ready to stand in the kitchen all day long, just so that everything is done the way she wants. You can’t trust your dad; he won’t peel the potatoes right, and he won’t wash the dishes right.
But women thus deprive themselves of help in the person of their husbands. And then complain about fatigue and indifference on their part. When a woman does not accept a man’s help in the form in which he can give it, she refuses to believe in him. And a man senses the state of a woman. If they do not believe in him, he loses all desire to help. Learn to appreciate your man’s impulses to help you. Do not scare away this desire. Otherwise, you will have to spend a huge amount of time and effort to get it back.
4. Pride
At first, the woman deprives herself of help around the house, and then she gets so used to this role that she is overcome with pride: “I can do it myself. I don’t need his help. You won’t get it anyway!” This is playing the role of a victim: no one helps; she does everything herself. The woman does not want to part with this role, because behind it lies the desire to prove that she is right.
But this truth does not make you or your man happy, who sometimes does not understand your grievances. Stop playing this game; think about your relationship. What are you creating with such thoughts and behavior? Calm your pride and learn to ask men for help when you need it. It is not as difficult as it seems.
5. The habit of doing everything yourself
A woman thinks, “I can do everything; why do I need these men? I can hammer a nail, screw in a light bulb, and lay tiles in the bathroom myself.”. These skills and abilities save when there is no one to help. There are such situations. It is great when a woman can take care of herself. But this is good in extreme cases. If such behavior becomes a habit, when she has a man, he will not help because she does his work for him.
This is where he can show himself as a man—use his strength and abilities. As a result, it turns out that the man does not work and lies on the couch, and the woman runs like a squirrel in a wheel, torn between 3 jobs, family, and household chores. Learn to show weakness. A man does not need to know that you can fix a faucet, and you do not need to demonstrate your skill to him. Leave this work to him; he will gladly do it for you.
6. Inability to accept help
We were brought up this way in Soviet society, where few people talked about self-love. That woman deserves to be helped and cared for. In the post-war period, there were far fewer men than women. Women had to do not only their usual duties but also hard men’s work because there was no one else to do it. Since then, there have been patterns of behavior and thinking that women still resort to.
And they carry heavy bags and move furniture instead of asking men who are ready to help, just ask. But it doesn’t even occur to women. Such thoughts and actions have given rise to the inability to accept help with dignity.
A woman, if she asks, does not wait for help because she does not believe that it can happen. And out of habit, she does everything herself. It is time to throw off these patterns of behavior and believe that you are worthy of care. Allowing a man to help means allowing him to make you happier.
7. The belief that a man should help by default
Focusing on negative moments does not allow a woman to appreciate the good that a man does for her. Unfortunately, many women do not know how to thank; they think that if a man helped, then it goes without saying that he should have done it anyway. What should he say “thank you” for? But men love praise and compliments no less than women.
Try to note every little thing a man does—take out the trash, wash his cup instead of leaving it on the table, and tell him how happy and grateful you are for that.
It seems like these are small things, but our lives and relationships are built on them. You will see how pleased your man will be. He will want to hear even more warm words from you and will look for a reason for this. This is the best incentive for a man to show a desire to help you.
These were 7 reasons why a woman does not want to ask a man for help.
