Love Advice: 6 Clear Signs My Husband Was Cheating On Me And I Was Ignoring Them
6 Clear Signs My Husband Was Cheating On me, And I Was Ignoring Them He did everything he could to make me feel paranoid, but it was his conscience talking. At 2:30 a.m., my husband told me, “I don’t think we should stay married.” An hour earlier, I had grabbed his phone, curious to see who he’d been texting all night.
He told me about two casual sexual partners he had had sexual intercourse with within the last 6 months, but my mind went back in time to calculate the exact moment when his infidelity began. It was two years ago. He skillfully manipulated situations and lied to cover his tracks.
And I believed his lies and questioned my instincts. Never doubt your instincts; they are always right. Here are 6 clear signs my husband was cheating on me and I ignored them, I missed them, and how his betrayal affected my self-esteem.
1. He started shaving below the waist and took care of his body
It’s great when a man grooms himself, but when he starts shaving in places he’d previously avoided, it raises questions. Is he more in love with his own body than he is with yours when you’re standing next to him in the bathroom mirror? That’s a big red flag.
My ex made me shave the back of his head to cover up the weird scratches in the middle of his back, and I had no idea I was grooming him for his sexual partners.
Of course, exercising is necessary, but if it becomes an obsession, it is a warning sign of his infidelity. It got to the point where my husband would rather spend time exercising than spend time with me. I wanted to be an understanding wife, so I gave up my needs for him.
2. He stopped inviting me to business events.
Is he meeting with clients, vendors, agencies, or people from his department several nights a week? Have you been excluded from shared company events and then found out that other spouses were present? This is a clear sign of cheating.
My husband told me he didn’t want me to attend business dinners because he felt guilty and responsible for me. I had no self-esteem for the last two years of my marriage, so I tolerated his behavior and believed his lies. Save yourself the torture. Stand up for yourself, starting now.
3. He was angry.
Is he showing anger and instability in his character that he hasn’t shown before? This is probably his guilt over cheating. He feels guilty but can’t tell the truth, so he subconsciously defends himself and blames you for his outbursts.
My husband told me that I irritated him when I left the ironing board out after ironing his shirt. He said that I was deliberately trying to annoy him because I didn’t like ironing. But the truth is, I liked ironing.
We went to see a psychologist. Sitting on the therapist’s couch, he hugged me and said that I didn’t admire him, respect him, understand him, or listen to him. And I didn’t keep the house clean.
Don’t tolerate his whims and accusations. If he has become more critical of you, your clothing choices, where you go for dinner, or reacts sharply to the sound of your ringtone (even if it hasn’t changed for years), this should help you unravel his secret.
Don’t take things personally like I do. It will ruin your self-esteem. Create healthy boundaries for yourself and understand that we show people how to treat us.
4. He has new tricks in bed
“Where did you learn that?” I asked him after he did something completely new during sex. Unless you two have discovered a new technique or position and he’s practicing something he’s never done before, it’s time to worry.
5. He started drinking, smoking, and avoiding you.
The guilt issue can manifest itself in addictions. In the last two years of our marriage, we abused alcohol; it fed his anger and dulled my pain.
His excessive drinking and occasional cigarette smoking were driven by his guilt and deep desire to leave me but his inability to tell me so.
If you catch him smoking, drinking, gambling, and overspending, he is most likely cheating on you.
6. His phone code suddenly became secret
After I snatched the phone from his hand and he refused to enter his code, I realized how deceived I had been. For many years of our marriage, he never hid the passwords to his phone, email, or Facebook—we shared those things openly. If your husband has changed his passwords, you may want to sound the alarm.
