Addicted to alcohol, drugs, or sports—everyone has probably heard of it. But what happens when a relationship becomes an obsession? Women in particular know the feeling of being dependent on their partner. We’ll tell you what love addiction is all about.
“I can’t live without you anymore.” “You are everything to me,” and “I’ll do anything to make you happy”—sentences like these have nothing to do with normal love and are more of a sign of love addiction. And that is poison for a happy relationship: the dependence and self-abandonment of a partner leads to exactly what people who suffer from love addiction fear: the more one person clings, the more the other withdraws. But how do you recognize love addiction? When does our feeling of love become unhealthy?
What does love addiction mean?
“The term love addiction describes an extreme form of jealousy,” explains Dr. Kurt Seikowski from the Society for Social Sciences in an interview with “t-online.de.”. Love addiction is characterized by a strong dependence on the partner, a lack of self-esteem, fear of loss, loss of control, and the constant desire for validation.
The love-addicted partner starts to cling more and more, focusing his entire day on the other person: Where is the other person? What is he doing? Love addicts always want to know what the other person is doing and with whom. They are also extremely curious about who their partner is chatting to, talking to, or speaking on the phone with. According to the s+x therapist, love addiction affects women more than men. Seikowski explains that this is because a woman’s desire for security, safety, and closeness is deeply ingrained in her nature and also affected by hormones.
Triggers of love addiction
Most people slip into this emotional dependency without even noticing. It is often the case that the trigger for love addiction lies in the affected person’s childhood: if there was a lack of love and attention in childhood or the child was often left alone, the likelihood of becoming addicted to love is higher. The partner is supposed to heal old wounds and fill the feeling of loneliness. A weak self-esteem can also lead to becoming dependent on another person.
In addition, love addiction often develops due to an imbalance in the relationship. If one of the partners feels that they are not enough and the desires and needs of the two partners differ greatly, they often end up in a vicious circle: the more one of the two withdraws, the more the other begins to cling. And the more one clings, the more dependent they become on the partner’s feelings.
Love addiction is poison for the relationship.
If one of the partners suffers from love addiction, the relationship is usually doomed to failure. The addict must constantly live with the fear of loss, which ends in accusations, control, and arguments with the partner. “The addict smothers the partner with his feelings. In many cases, the relationship cannot withstand this pressure,” Seikowski knows from his practice.
Do you suffer from love addiction?
Do you sometimes feel like you’re addicted to your partner? Or is your loved one dependent on you? Here are some signs that one of you is suffering from love addiction:
- You are extremely jealous and accuse your partner of things that could destroy your relationship. Your lack of trust leads to you trying to control your partner at every step.
- You want your partner to always be with you and to do everything together. He should even accompany you to a girls’ night out, even if he doesn’t feel like it.
- Your partner’s needs take precedence over your own. You also adapt your opinion, appearance, and habits to his or her; what your partner says becomes the sole criterion.
- Being alone becomes torture: you count the seconds until he is finally with you again. Being without him for a few days is out of the question for you.
- You make your happiness dependent on the relationship; if he is not with you or if you argue, your whole world falls apart. Your partner is the whole meaning of your life.
- You plan your entire day around your partner. If he has time, you also make time, no matter if you have to cancel the meeting with your best friend.
- Your thoughts constantly revolve around your partner, so that you completely lose sight of your own goals.
- Complete sacrifice.
- If he doesn’t tell you often enough that he loves you, you should be seriously worried.
- You neglect your friends and hobbies because you are completely focused on your partner.
- You think that life has no meaning without him, and you cling to your partner.
A healthy partnership is based on trust, mutual respect, and also distance. You should remain yourself in your relationship and not neglect important people and things in your life. Always maintain a certain level of independence and autonomy; otherwise, the relationship will fall apart sooner or later. As soon as you or your partner notice that the balance in your relationship is no longer right or that emotional blackmail is at play, you should address this immediately and look for solutions together. Couples therapy can also help in the case of love addiction.
