And suddenly it becomes crystal clear to you: you are in love with a married man. Have you ever been in such a situation or are you about to be? Then you certainly know what an emotional dilemma you are in. How do you behave fairly and correctly in such a situation without hurting the feelings of others or your own too much? We can help you.
You met at work, maybe in a café or in the evening when you were with your friends. You started chatting, completely unimportantly, but somehow the chemistry was right. Maybe there were even a few sparks, at least from your side, but you don’t know for sure about him. But what you know after the first contact, the first words exchanged, and the first completely accidental touches: you are interested. Your knees go weak when you see him, your heart beats faster, and you forget the world around you. All of this would be so nice if there weren’t one fact that he told you right away or during the conversation (hopefully!): he is married.
Why do you fall in love with a married man?
Feelings can neither be controlled nor switched off. So if you fall in love with a man who is not only taken but married, you are not to blame. There are even women who seem to have a pattern of being particularly attracted to married men. And there is an evolutionary reason for this, which is also known as the “wedding ring effect.”. While choosing a partner in the animal kingdom is a little simpler (who has the most colorful plumage, the biggest antlers, the most convincing mating dance?), humans look for a partner they can trust and who is ultimately suitable for starting a family. However, it takes time to determine this in a potential candidate.
But we no longer have that, especially when our biological clock is ticking ever louder. And so this unconscious pattern comes into effect: we simply choose men who other women have found good. So good that they have even gotten married. That’s why it can even be the case that we fall in love with a man even more when we have been informed of his marital status.
The circumstances of the situation play a big role
There is no general answer to how to deal with such a tricky situation, but it always depends on several other circumstances. To be more precise: What are your motives and how does HE behave? Think about these points:
- Are you perhaps currently in a relationship that is not fulfilling you and is therefore just longing for an adventure?
- Are you single but don’t want to be anymore and are therefore desperately looking for a new partner?
- What about his side? Has he told you that the marriage is already failing and that he wants to separate from his wife? Is he perhaps even building a basis of trust with you and showing signs of budding feelings of love?
- Is he supposedly happy with his wife but still flirts back passionately?
- Does he not even respond to your attempts to flirt but politely distances himself?
As you can see, the topic is not only sensitive but also needs to be handled differently from situation to situation.
In love with a married man: What is the right thing to do now?
What you should not forget, even if you are in love: There are other people indirectly involved in the whole thing, at least his wife. Regardless of whether you know her or not, whether you have a bad image of her or know nothing about her at all, you should be fair to her, just as he should. She (probably) loves him with all her heart. Do you want to destroy that by charming her husband? After all, they are married for a reason. And even if things are not going well between them at the moment and he responds to your attempts to flirt, you never know whether it is just a way of letting off steam and whether he will soon return to her repentant. Not to mention that such a man has a problem with loyalty when things are not going well. So be very careful not to hurt your feelings.
The situation is different if you both just fell in love at first sight. A marriage is just a construct in which love cannot be enclosed and preserved forever. If the feelings are gone and you can easily fall in love with someone new, then it is probably time to be open and start a new relationship. Who knows, maybe this time it will be true, great love? There have been plenty of cases like this.
You must never force yourself in when things are going well between two lovers and there are just a few small difficulties in the relationship. Never be the reason for a breakup, because that will not make you happy in the long run. And who wants to start a new relationship like that? But if he falls in love with you without you deliberately provoking it, then there seemed to be something wrong in his relationship before. But then he should come clean and draw a clean line under it so as not to spoil the new beginning.
Being in love with a married man is tricky, but it can also turn out well. You must always behave correctly towards everyone involved. If he does not respond to your cautious advances from the start, you should just let it go, even if it hurts. If he goes along with it and is not just looking for a short affair, then your love could have a chance.
