There will be times when you meet someone who seems like a perfect match. After one date, you realize that this person is all you can think about. What happens when that person doesn’t feel the same way? Do you obsess about that one fleeting moment you had together or do you move on?
Dating is like a ritualistic dance done by two strangers who are looking for a suitable mate. You go through the motions by going out, getting to know each other and having as much fun as possible. It sounds like the perfect arrangement, but that’s only limited to the small amount of time you spend together.
Why do people obsess about one date?
Even if it seemed like the ideal date, you can never tell if it will lead to more than just that. Let’s say that you had an awesome time and you felt like the person you were with was the one you were meant to spend your life with. That is as far as it goes.
Your perception is the only thing that is driving your emotions. You haven’t taken into account the emotions of the other party. Are you sure that they like you? Or were they just humoring you until the date was over? You won’t know until you ask, right?
But people rarely ask. There are those who are smart enough to see right through the situation, while there are those who would happily live in a bubble of denial. Sadly, it’s a person’s idealistic nature that is to blame. That is because you just had an amazing date. It’s a testament to the start of a great relationship, right?
Wrong. Just because a date went well, it does not mean that it will lead to a relationship. It is understandable that you would think so, but don’t put all your bets on one night together. There is still more to a relationship than the first date. You have to observe how a person treats you after and note their consistency when it comes to expressing their affection towards you.
What happens when you obsess over one date?
As much as you’d like to believe that you are not obsessing over one date, you should be aware of the signs, so you can acknowledge the fact that there is something wrong with the situation. Here’s what happens when you refuse to let go of that unforgettable night.
#1 You keep waiting for something that’s not going to happen. Even though the truth is right in front of you, you refuse to acknowledge it, because you’re expecting your date to fix the situation. You tend to wait for their call, their text or even an update on their Facebook page. When none of it arrives, you still insist on waiting for them until they are ready.
#2 You start to ignore other opportunities. Other people are waiting for their chance to ask you out. You could be ignoring them because you have invested yourself in the person you went on that perfect date with. You refuse to allow yourself to develop affections for anyone else, until you receive closure from the last date.
#3 You start to develop theories. And that’s all they are – theories. You hypothesize that they’re not calling you because they’re busy. They’re ignoring you because they want to think about their options. You start to question your value and whether or not it’s your fault that the date didn’t go as well as you thought. You overthink things, while the person you like isn’t losing sleep over it at all.
#4 You try to fix the problem. Although the problem is your unwillingness to let go of that one person, you start to think that the problem is a lack of motivation, attraction or even connection. You start to fix yourself up, get their attention and even ask for another chance. It might work, but the issue is not its success rate. The issue is your insistence on seeing a person who is not interested in you.
#5 You lash out emotionally. Once the message is clear, you start to blame that person for making you like them. They start to come out as the bad guy, even though they didn’t do anything to get your hopes up. It is not their fault that you enjoyed their company. They were just exploring their options. Unfortunately for you, they didn’t end up feeling the same way as you. When you realize that you can’t call them out on anything legitimate, you start blaming yourself for getting into the situation in the first place.
Now, don’t those things make up one big messy and depressing situation? This should be enough to convince you to get over that person, right? If it’s not enough, there are still ways for you to stop obsessing about that one date.
How to stop obsessing over one date?
It’s not going to be easy to push that perfect date out of your mind. It will be even harder if you’ve already envisioned your next date, your relationship, your sex life and, horror of horrors, your marriage. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either.
#1 Call it like you see it. A date is just a date. It is not a proposal. It is basically a test drive for you to see whether you are compatible with the person you are seeing. You lay out your intentions and decide whether you both want the same things. If it doesn’t work out, you move on to the next one.
#2 Know your worth. If your date doesn’t see everything good in you, it is their loss. You can’t value yourself based on other people’s perceptions. That is the reason why you won’t let go of this person. There’s something in you that wants to prove them wrong. You are a catch already, and you do not need a date to validate that for you.
#3 Your happiness is not their responsibility. Just because you enjoyed one date, it does not mean that it’s the only way for you to achieve happiness. You can’t redo the night if your date is not interested. The best thing you can do is to keep it in your memories and look forward to your next amazing date with someone better suited for you.
#4 Be perceptive. Use your instinct. If it looks like your date isn’t planning on seeing you again, stop pushing for it to happen. They will not call you. They will give you vague promises of a rain check. They will be nice about it. But it’s up to you to decide whether you want to pursue someone who’s not willing to commit to you.
#5 Distract yourself. The only way for you to stop obsessing about one thing is for you to transfer your attention to something else. Try to focus on your work, your friends or your family. Anything else that can occupy your mind is a helpful tool in forgetting about the so-called person of your dreams.
#6 Accept it. If you really want to get over your obsession, you have to face the truth. Don’t make excuses for the person that you like. Don’t make excuses for yourself. Stop giving them chances because they are not looking for one. The best thing that you can do is to move on with your life, and actively refrain from thinking about this person. [Read: 6 big excuses that will only get you nowhere]
Obsessing over one measly date might seem extreme, but it happens to the best of us. That’s because there are still those who put their hearts on the line, even if it’s with a stranger. Don’t feel bad about it. Be proud that you have the ability to care about someone, even if it’s just for a short while.
