A Confession – I Am Tired Of Relationships

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been in love.

I’m happy in love, and have always been happy knowing I’ve got someone special who wants me and wants to be with me.

But all of a sudden, I want to be single again. And I want it bad!

I had my first boyfriend when I hit puberty, and I’ve been in just four relationships in almost two decades.

And surprisingly, I’ve never been able to spare more than a couple of months of being single in between all the loving.

I’ve never really experienced being single, ever!

I’ve never had a problem being in love. In fact, I’ve always cherished it. My girlfriends envied me because I always got the nicest guys. And my relationships always lasted a long while and ended because of unavoidable circumstances.

I’m almost thirty and in love with a great guy for the last seven years. We’ve been living together for the last five years, and I couldn’t ask for more. Ahem… until recently.

Ever heard that line, weddings make people feel more romantic?

I was at a good friend’s wedding recently with my girlfriends, and I remember looking up at the bride and groom. They were a sparkly couple and it seemed nice.

I sat back, enjoying the balmy breeze under the open sky and tried to imagine my boyfriend and me at the altar. And as shocking as it seemed, I couldn’t visualize us together. And the harder I tried, the more it disturbed me. I lost that thought over the next few hours though, and my friends and I decided to go clubbing. We were out of town and our boyfriends weren’t accompanying us, which was enough of a reason for binge drinking and having fun with the girls.

Cut a long and confusing story short, I met a lot of guys who were interested in me, danced with a few, batted my eyelids at a few others and had the time of my life. [Read: Should a girl accept a drink from a stranger?]

It’s been six months since that eventful day and ever since, I couldn’t help but wonder what if…?

It’s a terrible thing to wonder, especially when you’ve got a loving, confused boyfriend who’s trying to figure out what’s happening to his girlfriend. The guy I was dating was perfect for me. He loved me, understood me and definitely made me a better person. But I just wasn’t happy anymore, and it wasn’t his fault.

I was just sick of always having to think about another person no matter what decision I took. I was annoyed with the lack of privacy. I could never really be alone and enjoy my space. We knew each other’s social network passwords. All our friends treated us like we were a married couple. And for crying out loud, he wanted to get married when we both hit thirty!

I felt claustrophobic and just wanted to escape, and be free. Yeah, it sounds bitchy and mean, but you know, the heart wants what the heart wants. I knew I wanted to be single again.

If I have to give any credit to science, humans have evolved to mate and procreate, not settle down with one person and live the rest of your life wondering ‘what if…’

I ended my relationship with my shocked boyfriend citing “it’s not you, it’s me…” and a few million other reasons including the awkward one, I want to be single again. Gosh, I know, I feel awful about it! [Read: How to end a relationship the right way]

Perhaps I was having my own quarter life crisis. I wanted to experience being single, because I really had never been single all through my teenage years and adult life. And I just wasn’t ready to settle down to a married life without ever having fun as a single girl. I wanted to meet guys, flirt with any guy I liked without having to think twice or feel guilty. And I wanted to have sex… glorious sex with whomever I wanted!

After breaking up with my boyfriend, I felt free. But then again, I wondered if I wanted to be single because I didn’t have any flirty fun with other men, or was it because I was stuck in a relationship that just wasn’t progressing and evolving. I guess it’s one of those things we’ll never know.

A few months have passed ever since my metamorphosis into the single life, and ungracefully, I have to admit that I’m having the best time of my life. I’ve been meeting new guys all the time, and I love the attention I get. It’s especially exciting to be wooed by a new guy almost every other day. [Read: How to flirt by touching]

I don’t know what life holds for me or my love karma *gasp*, but I’m happy now and that’s all I can think of.

Do you want to be single again?

All of us get a fleeting thought now and then and wonder if we’d be better off single or in a relationship. And if you’re in a relationship and you’re wondering if you can take a break for a few months and get back again, well, forget about it.

You can’t take a break from love for a few months and get your spouts and canals filled and get back with your lover and expect things to be normal again. It’s a ridiculous thought!

But for all the confused lovers out there who are contemplating over the mystifying sentence, I want to be single again, here are a few questions that could help you make up your mind.

Are you willing to risk losing your partner forever?

As tempting as the hope of taking a short break from your partner and board diving into a bed full of beautiful men and women can seem, it’s not an acceptable proposition for most lovers. The relationship may work out at times, but in most cases, it would be too emotionally disturbing for your partner who may prefer walking out of your life than waiting to clean your sexual fluids when you get back home. [Read: Open relationships]

Would being single for a while really make you feel any better?

I know I want to be single, but how sure are you? Most of us are fooled by a few days of fun with flirty friends and fleeting glances. But how sure are you about what you want? The grass is always greener on the other side. We’ve all heard that line before. But if you ever have to step out of a good relationship, try to be sure of what your heart wants. You really can’t come crawling back to your old lover and beg for forgiveness. [Read: How to kiss a friend]

Why do you want to be single?

Is it the hope of better sex? Or is it a boring relationship? While flirty interaction with the opposite sex is one of the biggest reasons for wanting to be single, it’s not good enough a reason. At some point of time, you’ll be bored of the variety and would just want to be with someone who can love you for the person you are. So unless you’re in a relationship that you’re not too happy about, don’t use the excuse of better sex as a reason to walk out. [Quiz: Will you ever be unfaithful?]

Could you achieve more in life by being single?

This is actually one of the best reasons to walk out of a relationship. If you really want to be single, make sure it’s for a great reason. If being single can give you a more fulfilled life, one that makes you happier and gives you a reason to jump out of bed the next morning, then hell yeah, you need to be single!

Why do I want to be single?

I took a few months to make up my mind, and I’ve stuck to it. I haven’t knocked on my ex’s door ever since and I don’t regret my decision either.

But you ought to know this though, the whole world is searching for love. And millions of people just wish for true love and hope to experience it someday. It’s not easy to find someone who will love you and respect you for the person you are, and if you’ve found that lover already, perhaps, you don’t really need to be single again.

Life is a game of chutes and ladders, and if you’ve been lucky enough to climb the big ladders and attain true love sooner, you really don’t have to regret skipping the chutes and the little flings. You can introduce yourself to a hundred new man packages or breasts, but they’re all going to start looking pretty similar after a while. It’s what’s inside that’s going to matter eventually. [Read: Cheating in a relationship]

You may wonder what made me walk out of a perfect relationship for no apparent reason. Well, I couldn’t see my boyfriend at the top of my ladder anymore. I was in love, and yet, he wasn’t really a part of my life anymore. A foxy part of me does think I deserve better too.

Heck, I’ve got one life and I took a leap of faith. Or perhaps, I was willing to lose my ex in the hope of something better.

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