Breakups are ridiculously hard to go through, especially when we feel like we have no idea why the breakup happened. The worst kind of breakup is when you feel like everything is going perfectly, only to find that the person you’re in a relationship with just isn’t feeling it anymore. We want to make sense of the situation, get to the bottom of it somehow. Maybe, just maybe, if you know why they left, you can fix what’s broken in the relationship and make things okay again. However, it very rarely works that way. We talked to fifteen guys who recently ended a relationship and they gave us the real scoop on why they ended their relationship.
While some of the men who we spoke to ended their relationships for major slights towards them, others have far more mundane reasons for ending their relationships. Some men ended it because their girlfriends or even wives cheated, while others ended it because they had hidden something major from them and it came out in the worst way. However, others ended their relationships simply because of incompatibility reasons or just because they fell out of love with their girlfriends. Other men needed to extricate themselves from a co-dependent or even abusive situation, so they left. While dealing with a breakup can be really hard, sometimes breaking up with someone is equally as difficult. Here’s why fifteen real men ended their romantic relationships. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)
15“Being With Her Was Like Being At Work.”
34-year-old James recalled one of his girlfriends that he had in his late twenties, who he was with for three years. “She was beautiful. To be honest, I don’t remember much more than that apart from her name. It just goes to show how draining she was to be around because that’s all I really remember about her. She was a beautiful drain.” He continued by telling a story about her that he did remember. “I remember one day she came to a family dinner two hours late, while my aunt was clearing off dishes. All she had were excuses and increasingly crazy stories as to why she was late. She saw that we’d all eaten and started crying that she’d ruined everything, so me being me, I start comforting her and breaking out the leftovers I’d gotten for her earlier and popped them in the microwave. Watching the food heat up I realized that dealing with her was like dealing with the 30 fifth graders in my class. I wish I could say I left her then, but I didn’t. She was crazy, but she was also crazy good in the sack.”
14“She Wasn’t In Love With Me After Seven Years.”
25-year-old Andrew met his then-girlfriend at 18, during freshman orientation at his college. “It was love at first sight. I’d always been a little more into her than she’d been into me, but she was always a bit closed-off about her feelings so I never really thought anything of it.” Things seemed fine as they went to college and graduated, but their respective jobs made it really hard to make time for each other, even when they moved in together. One day, she came home from work and promptly broke up with him. “She said she thought that she loved me, but the more time she spent at work, the less she wanted to come home to me. I asked her if she ever loved me; if there was ever a moment, and she said no. That happened maybe six months ago, so I’m still recovering from it. I haven’t even thought of dating again. If she could come out and say she didn’t love me after seven years, anyone could.”
13“God Told Her I Wasn’t The One.”
24-year-old Oscar walked us through a story about his high school girlfriend who started out normal enough. “We were both sixteen and involved in our church’s youth group and I had such a crush on her.” He eventually got up the courage to ask her out and she said yes…provided he ask her church leader first. The relationship went on for six months, and throughout the relationship, Oscar was constantly on his guard. “My friends were cool with my having a girlfriend, but her friends weren’t. They’d constantly tell her that I wasn’t the one that God picked for her and she shouldn’t give herself to me sexually. Keep in mind that we hadn’t even discussed that. Nothing I did could ever change the minds of those girls.” Finally, she sat Oscar down and dumped him, crying the whole time. “I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I remember her sobbing and saying something like she wished I was the one because she loved me so much, but she had to listen to what God was saying to her.” Two weeks later, she was dating the pastor’s son and married him as soon as she turned 18. “She has four kids now. I’m still single, but I’m living life. I feel like God was telling me to run away from that train wreck!”
12“I Did Everything I Could For Her… And It Wasn’t Enough.”
30-year-old Daniel recalled a six-year relationship with his then-girlfriend, a woman four years younger than him. “I was 22, she was 18. I was working my way up the corporate ladder in a city where I didn’t know anyone, and I met her when she needed a seat at a Starbucks. She was actually waiting for a date when I met her!” They quickly became friends, and within the year they were living together. Unfortunately, the honeymoon period was short-lived. “She slowly became more and more demanding. First, she got really snippy about the finances since I made more than her and wanted me to pay 80% of the rent. I could afford that, so I did it. Then, she wanted to spend more and more time with her parents, who hated me and would insult me in public in front of her and she’d laugh along. She’d also run up huge credit card bills and freak out about paying them, so I’d pitch in on that, too.Then, she wanted to know when we were getting married. I was 27 or 28 at the time, as much as I loved her I wasn’t ready. She then nagged at me until I bought the ring she wanted. On my way to propose, a thought struck me: why am I so eager to hitch myself to such a train wreck? I went to the restaurant to break up with her with the ring in my pocket. Luckily for me, I paid all the bills so she had to move out, not me.” Thankfully, Daniel’s story ends happily. “I got married to someone else last month, someone who’s perfect for me and is just as willing to do for me as I am to do for her.”
11“She Wanted Kids. I Didn’t Want Kids.”
31-year-old Chris recalled a breakup he’d gone through when he was in his early twenties. He’d been dating his then girlfriend for three years, and they were both really happy throughout the relationship. The only real issue wasn’t even an issue for the first couple of years, either. However, as the two began to approach their mid-twenties, the issue of starting a family started coming up. Kids were a major sticking point, but they weren’t there yet, so it wasn’t a problem…until it was. One conversation devolved into arguing about the future and realizing that kids were the only thing that neither of them would compromise on, so they broke up. “The ironic thing about it is that two years ago, my now-wife had my son. I was really apprehensive about it at first, but I love my wife and couldn’t imagine my life without her or my son. I didn’t want kids, but life sure had a way of giving them to me anyway!”
10“She Gave Me An STD.”
21-year-old Dave had only been dating his then-girlfriend for three months, but he was sure it was love. “I was 19, just coming off of finals week and looking to have fun. That’s when she came along.” It was a whirlwind romance and from what Dave could see, it was a happy relationship, or at least the beginnings of one. However, everything changed at the end of the summer, right when classes were starting up again. “She’d dropped off the map for a few days and I didn’t think much of it since she was on vacation with her sister for two weeks. She then sent me a text that said she had chlamydia. I go to my doctor and surprise surprise, I’ve got it too.” Luckily, that particular STD is curable, so the issue was cleared up quickly. “I know that she could have gotten it from someone before me, but the paranoia of it all just got to me and I stopped trusting her. It was over pretty quickly after that.”
9“We Had An Open Relationship, But She Forgot To Let Me Know.”
28-year-old Matt told a story about his ex-girlfriend that in hindsight he might find pretty funny, but was definitely sad when it was happening. When he found out his girlfriend was cheating on him, he confronted her immediately, wanting to know why. She was pretty dismissive, saying that no one had ever said that they were exclusive and he really didn’t have the right to be upset. According to Matt, they weren’t officially dating, but she’d wanted him to stop seeing other girls prior to seeing her, and he did that without a fuss. “I want to say I felt betrayed, but to be honest, she’s always been this way. I knew a guy who dated her for a few months that had had a similar experience, but that was back when we were in college. I thought she’d changed. I was wrong.”
8“We Couldn’t Fulfill Each Other’s Needs.”
22-year-old Alex recalled a one-year relationship that began when he was seventeen. “She was 18, and when I met her she was already in college while I was a senior in high school. I fell so hard for her, I applied for her school even though they didn’t offer my major. In hindsight, I’m so glad I didn’t get in.” Alex ended up getting into a school that was a two-hour drive away, and every weekend, one of them would drive those two hours to see the other for the weekend. “It got to the point where it was just too tiring. We were both making friends on our own campuses, but we never got to hang out with our friends because we were so busy driving to each other’s campuses. It got to the point where I knew her friends better than I knew my own!” After a couple of months of going long distance with fewer visits, the two mutually ended the relationship. “I’m happy we both figured out it wasn’t working. It took a few months of not seeing each other, but we’re friends now and live in the same city. We’re both in happy relationships and we all hang out.”
7“I Just Genuinely Didn’t Like Her Anymore.”
19-year-old Drew thought he’d be one of those guys getting married right out of high school with his then-girlfriend, who he’d been with for five years. “We were both 13, and she was my first relationship. It was puppy love at first, to be honest. I was 13 and happy girls were paying attention to me. Before I knew it, we’re picking junior prom outfits. We had all the same friends and they’d call us the old married couple.” After a while, though, being with her became a chore. “She started hanging out with these new friends and going to parties and getting into all sorts of trouble. She’d snap like nothing else and had the worst temper. She never snapped at me, but I’d see her be short with waiters and say the nastiest things about her friends. The last straw was when she started treating my best friend like crap. At that point, I just couldn’t take it anymore.” He broke up with her three weeks before their senior graduation. “She took it pretty hard and I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t feel bad about it. But I couldn’t see myself being with her anymore, not after how awful she became. It was a good decision on high school me’s part.”
6“She Was Awful To Her Friends.”
24-year-old Roger recalled a relationship that put him through the wringer. “I met her through a mutual friend. We had similar interests and our friends really wanted to see us together since we had a lot in common.” They were together for seven months, and for the most part, he was happy. “She was pretty great to me, barring some major intimacy issues. I’m no real stranger to girls with issues and she seemed like a nice, decent person.” However, that all changed very quickly when he saw how she treated her friends. “She’d totally fly off the handle, breaking things like her cell phone or glasses, sometimes even throwing those things at her friends. Then she’d freak out on her friends because she broke it.” On top of that, her friends started threatening him! “One of her best friends pulled me aside and launched into a detailed description of the things she’d do to me if she ever found that I’d hurt her. A lot of girls do that as a joke, but I saw something in her eyes that told me she was serious.” He broke up with her a couple of days later. “The friend who introduced me was disappointed, but she saw my point when my ex-girlfriend started turning her wrath on her and my friend had to cut her off. Take it from me: crazy girls are no fun.”
5“My Ex Cheated And The Baggage Stuck With Me.”
32-year-old Grant’s story is a sad one. “I spent four years with a woman that I was sure was the One. I proposed and we were maybe four months from the wedding when I came home to find her in bed with my cousin. In my cousin’s defense, we’re not close so he didn’t know who my fiancee was. She picked him up at a bar and brought him back to our apartment. It was just a coincidence that he was my cousin.” He left her, the wedding was called off, and he spent the better part of a year recovering. “I met someone else a couple of years later, and she was a lovely person. I just couldn’t get what my ex-fiancee had done out of my head. We didn’t make it a year.” Thankfully, Grant’s story ends happily. “I went to therapy to try and work some of this stuff out, and she doesn’t haunt me anymore. I actually just got married six months ago, and that cousin was my best man! If anything, I have to thank my ex for putting my life on track to gain a brother and the woman of my dreams.”
4“We Were Both Immature.”
25-year-old Jay started off telling me a story about his on-again, off-again relationship with his now-wife, but he ended up telling a story about a six-month relationship he had with a distant acquaintance of his wife’s. “I was just coming off of yet another breakup with my wife when I ended up hooking up with this girl I knew was in her Pilates class. Not a smart move, but no one is smart at 20.” The two tried to make it work, but between him being hung up on his future wife and her being emotionally unstable, there was just no hope for them. “She’d pick fights for no reason. I think it was because she thought all couples in love had complicated, dramatic relationships. I swear she got all of her relationship experience from Nicholas Sparks movies, which is really weird because the girl got around.” He broke up with her to get away from the immaturity but realized he added to it too. “It’s true that crazy guys make women crazy. I was so broken up about my wife that I went about getting over it in a really bad way.” Thankfully, he wised up in time to get back with his now-wife and make an honest woman of her. “We spent some time in therapy separately, then we started going together. Now we’re married and totally stable. A piece of advice? Some women aren’t worth the drama, but the right woman totally is.”
3“She Didn’t Trust Me Around Other Girls For No Reason.”
19-year-old Finn recalled his super-possessive high school girlfriend that it took the better part of a year to get away from. “We only dated for six months, so I really don’t get why she was so possessive in the first place.” From the beginning, his girlfriend would insist on going with him everywhere, which didn’t really bother him until it got excessive. “She used to want to hang out with me all the time, even if she had no interest in what I was doing. I’m really into Yugioh cards and she doesn’t get it at all, but she’d sit in the card shop with me and my friends the whole time and get really irritated if we’d play with the girls who’d show up now and again. She said something really rude to a girl she thought was hitting on me that turned out to be my friend’s girlfriend.” It only went downhill from there. “I broke up with her, but she couldn’t take the hint. For a month after the breakup, she’d act like we hadn’t broken up, then after that, she’d insist that I was coming back to her. When I started dating a girl I met at the card shop, she went totally crazy and posted this long Facebook status about me and how I cheated. I lost a few friends over it for awhile, but when they figured out the truth it was all settled.”
2“We Stopped Putting The Effort In.”
26-year-old Nate recalled his last relationship. “I met her two years ago, and we dated for nearly two years, so you picked a good time to talk to me.” Throughout our conversation, he couldn’t remember when he realized the relationship was over. One day, it just was. “We were happy for a long time. We’d go out of our way to do nice things for each other and send good night and good morning texts. We’d make sure the other felt loved. Life just got in the way.” Both Nate and his ex-girlfriend had a lot in common, but they lived on opposite sides of their city and worked pretty far away from each other, so if one wanted to see the other, they’d have to commute for at least an hour to get to them. “One of us would be staying over at least four times a week, and weekends we’d just stay in bed together. Then it became twice a week, then once, then we were lucky to see each other more than a couple of times a month. On top of that, when we did see each other, we spent less and less time with each other and more and more time on our phones. A month ago, we just looked at each other and realized we weren’t happy. At least we didn’t move in together, so the break was pretty clean.”
1“She Used Me For Money And Emotional Support, Then Dropped Me When She Didn’t Need Me Anymore.”
35-year-old Scott spent three years married to a woman who seemed nice enough but turned out to be a major gold digger. “My ex-wife is five years younger than me. I met her when I was 26, so she was 21. I’m a lawyer, and she’s a painter. I loved her creative spirit and yes, she was gorgeous. Deciding to marry her was an easy decision.” They married when she was 24 and he was 29. “The honeymoon phase is real. I was the shoulder she cried on when she didn’t get into an art show or sell as many paintings as she wanted to. I was the person who invested in her when she needed supplies or even when she wanted to go out. She didn’t pay once during our whole relationship or even offer. Not that that’s important to me, but not even offering?” Even then, he thought he could make it work. What spelled the end was his ex-wife gaining financial independence. “She ended up selling a painting for more than what I made in a year at the time. She got the check, then turned around and told me she wanted a divorce.” Scott was sad, but he didn’t fight it. “I think she was angry that I didn’t contest the divorce, she wanted me to fight for her. I just wanted it to be over. If she’d want a divorce every time she made money, I didn’t need to be married to her.”
